Dayknightmare: A Parody of Sorts
by Marauder-girl
Summary: What happens when Marauder-girl and Co. take over knightmare? Well find out! Madness and celebrity worst enemy torture ensues! CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE READ THIS! (PWEASE)
1. The Legend

Dayknightmare: A Parody!

A fic by Marauder-girl & Sparrow!

A/N: I HAVE A PARTNER IN CRIME!!! -Cheers- For this particular adventure I drafted in one of my Bessie mates whom you've never heard of! –Cue fanfare- SPARROW!! We got bored in college and came up with this little oddity! Enjoy! I'll probably be writing it, but Sparrows putting in ideas for torture! –Evil laugh-

Disclaimer: We do not own ANY of the people in this fic…. We're just using them for a little while to torture and amuse ourselves with…and besides who actually believes we own this stuff.. –Looks at weird person with hand up- Er…. Nuthouse anyone…. –waves as person is carted away- Erm…. Onward?

-The Legend (well sort of)-

It was just an average day in the world, you know like there is every day and ones you get quickly bored of. So anyway.. Onward! In this serenity there was chaos, which two demented young woman created by coming up with the idea of making a parody of Knightmare and so they drafted in two celebrities whom they despised like no other along with two mere mortals

Whom they also despised. And so the stage was set for a great… adventure? Well it would guarantee a laugh at least! Welcome to Dayknightmare quest for the Chickens egg!

-Cue crappy theme music-

TRE: Welcome mere mortals to the Dungeon realm. You intrepid adventurers have come to fulfil a task. And so we present your …. Champions? -Raises eyebrow- Pickle are you sure about this?

PIC: -Shrugs- Don't ask me ask them -Points upwards-

TRE: What are you talking about there's no one there! I think your little sprite head has been exposed to his backside one to many times!

PIC: There is…. They're the worst kind of demon…. Fanfic writers!

M.G: Hey I resent that!!! -Growls-

SPA: YEAH!! We ain't no crappy cheapo demons. Hmm… -Scribbles something down-

PIC: -Dressed in tutu- HEY!!!!! NO FAIR!!! I'm sorry change me back, change me back!!!!!

-Hopping up and down on spot- PPPPPPLLLLLLLEEEEAAAASSSEE!!!!!!!!

M.G: -Laughs- Nice work Sparrow!! I think it suits him! Humph! Demons indeed! I'm as human as the old geezer thank you very much!

SPA: Well said…. We can't help it if we have warped imaginations!

TRE: -Catches on to what M.G said- I AM NOT OLD!!!!!! Enough of this we need to move on. Would you two LOVELY writers please bring in our contestants! -Note heavy sarcasm-

SPA: Of COURSE Treguard -Again with the sarcasm-

-Out of the air J.Lo falls and lands rather 'heavily' on her arse-

JLO: EEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! -Shrieks- You could have caused some serious damage to my posterior!! It's worth a fortune!! If it's damaged in any way I'll SUE!!!!!

TRE: -yells at authors- You know there is a doorway!

M.G: -Faked innocence- Really…..??? I hadn't noticed!

SPA: You are sooooo bad! -Smirks-

M.G: -Innocent- Who??? ME???? -Smirks evilly-

TRE: -Rolls eyes- Right… Traveller what is your name.

JLO: -Humphs in indignation- I thought that would have been obvious…. I mean who else could I be? Great arse, great voice, great arse, lots of money, great arse…. I am non other that Jennifer Lopez the infamous J.LO!!!

PIC: Man she talks a lot!

TRE: -Nods- Yes even faster that you Pickle –Smirks-

PIC: -Scowls-

TRE: So…. J.Lo -Looks confused- Where do you hail from!

JLO: Well that's easy…. -Clears throat- AHEM!! -Sings-

'Don't be fooled by the rocks that I've got I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block, Used to have a little now I got a lot. But I still know where I came from… Southside BRONX!

M.G: ARRGGHHH!!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! -Covers ears-

JLO: -Looks shocked & Pouts- Who said that!!!!???

SPA: -Rolls eyes- She did Bimbo! The one who brought you here!!

TRE; -Rubs finger in ears- Yes thank you J.Lo. Now it is time to introduce you fellows. Although you usually choose them, there is a slight change due to those two weirdo's

-Authors clear throat threateningly-….. Er.. Lovely ladies. They have chosen the guides!

M.G: Time to dump the trash! -Grins-

-Out of the air fall three more people. One is easily recognizable as the illustrious (and annoying) Gareth Gates. The other two however are nobodies. They are two people whom the authors despise because of their arrogant bigheadedness and so decided to bring in and torture. They are both about seventeen. The girl is small, with huge frogeyes and frizzy black hair. The Boy is quite well built but has way to much hair gel on which makes his head appear to glow in the faint light.-

JLO: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!!! -Leaps back in fear- Who are these losers!!

TRE: I thought I mentioned before there was a DOOR! -Rolls eyes-

SPA: And I thought we mentioned before that we hadn't noticed!

PIC: -Mutters under breath- This is going to be a l-o-n-g show!

TRE: Right fellows who are you?

GAR: M-my name is G-ggareth G-a-tt-es.

GIRL: -High Pitched squeaky voice- My name is Clare Young and .. I love you Gareth!!!!!

-Glomps on Gareth-

M.G: URGH!!… I think I'm Gonna hurl!… Sickening just sickening!!

TRE: EHEM!!! So young man, what be your name?

BOY: My name is Chris Stanley -Tries to do macho pose… fails miserably-

TRE: Right……. Well enough time to move on. J.Lo you are the Dungeoneer. However Justice is blind and so must you be on this quest. -Reaches for helmet-

JLO: If you think I'm wearing that fashion monstrosity think again!

SPA: Ah stop your whinging and put it on! Or else I'll cause you some permanent fashion damage… lets say to your ass? -Raises eyebrow threateningly-

JLO: -Whimpers- Okay I'll wear the bloody helmet… Just don't touch my arse!

M.G: EWWWWWW!! Like we'd want to! -Shudders-

TRE: In order to aid your… friends (??) on this task I also present you with this eye-shield

-Shoves eye-shield into J.Lo's hand-

JLO: What's with this tacky piece of gothic crap!

TRE: IT ALLOWS YOUR COMPAINIONS TO SEE WHERE YOU ARE YOU STUPID BIMBO!!!!!!!

M.G: Way to go Treguard!!! -High fives Sparrow-

SPA: Couldn't agree more with those sentiments!

TRE: Right time to begin your quest… If you'll just go through this door we can begin

-J.Lo walks forward and straight into a wall. Everyone laughs-

JLO: I WILL SUE!!!!!!! -Is shoved through doorway-

PIC: Let the quest begin. You three sit down and pay attention. We've got a lot of work to do!!!

-Chris, Clare and Gareth sit down and pull out clipboards-

SPA: I think we'll freeze it here -Snaps fingers and scene freezes-

M.G: Hey you two wanna go for a drink?

TRE: Sure, I'm gonna need a real stiff one after this mess.

PIC: Oh the innuendo! Make mine a double vodka!

And so the first part of the saga was over and those who weren't frozen went out and got thoroughly intoxicated!

A/N: So what do you think…. I know it's weird but weird is good right? If you like review… If you hate Flame I don't really care… it was just something to stop my boredom for a while…


	2. The Quest Begins

Dayknightmare: A parody

Chapter Two: The Quest begins!

A/N: Okay I don't CARE that no one reviewed this…. I'm carrying on with it regardless. Besides I really needed something to do in my spare lessons. So instead of getting on with my proper fics (Because they're all at home!) I decided to do this.

Disclaimer.. Er… I kinda forgot this last time didn't I… WHOOPS! Ah well. Okay I don't own Knightmare (But I wouldn't mind owning it) and I wish to lay NO CLAIM WHATSOEVER on the people in this fic. I hate their guts.. that's why they're here.

A/N2: Sparrow here…. Right I'm not happy that no one reviewed –Pouts- So if no one reviews this time I'm gonna personally come around to your house and subject you to the worst fanfiction humanly possible, either that or kick the crap outta M.G for not working hard enough –Cracks whip M.G Whimpers- So REVIEW OR if your in the mood FLAME!

We left our intrepid heroes (?) trapped in time, whilst Treguard and those lovely, lovely authors went out for a booze up. Er… it is now the morning after and some people are suffering, and lets just say it isn't the contestants…..

TRE: Man that was one hell of a night –Rubs head furiously- Who's great idea was it to have Absinthe?

M.G: Er ….that would have been yours Treguard. If I remember correctly and I quote 'Come on you losers… it's only Absinthe, drink up!'

SPA: Yeah! It's your own fault you have a hangover…. We're teenagers we're used to it.

PIC: -Groans from position on the floor-

SPA: Come on Pickle you lazy lout! We have a show to do!

PIC: -Mumbles something incoherent-

M.G: PICKLE GET YOUR LAZY BUT UP NOW!!!!

PIC: MY HEAD!!! THERE'S NO NEED TO YELL!!!

TRE: THEN WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!!

PIC: Shut up geezer or I'll go rabid pixie thingymajiggy on your wrinkly ass!!!

AUTHORS: -Looks nervous-

SPA: -Coughs- Er… okay you two… Fisty cuffs are not necessary!

M.G: Yes boys… no need to get rough –Wags finger in motherly manner-

TRE & PIC: -Shoot frigid glares at one another-

M.G: - Annoyed glare- BOYS!!!

TRE & PIC: -Abashed- Sorry Miss's

SPA: Good… now lets get this show on the road –Snaps fingers-

-All frozen people are unfrozen-

CHR: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!!!! YOU COULD HAVE RUINED MY HAIR!!!!

-Treguard and Pickle wince due to headaches-

M.G: Shut it Stanley! There is nothing wrong with your hair…. Except what you've done to it yourself.

SPA: YEAH! So quit yapping and start directing.

-Screen goes to J.Lo-

J.LO: Hey you nutters…. Where the hell am I???

CLA: Er… you're on a walk way…… and the path in front of you splits.

J.LO: And that's useful to me how exactly???

M.G: Geez she's bloody looped isn't she

SPA: And thick to boot. –Both nod-

CHR: Well one path goes left and leads into a doorway with an egg over it…. The other goes to the right with a sword and shield over it.

TRE: Ah… -Winces- it's the passageway of choices. Here you may choose your quest.

J.LO: I say EGG!!! Weapons are scary and they may maim my beautiful ass in which case I'll sue… -Goes off on random rant about suing the authors-.

M.G: Okay that's enough… -Clicks some castanets, Duct tape appears over J.Lo's mouth-

J.LO: MMMMMMMMMMMMMM (Translation: WTF!!!!!)

SPA: It's a gag J.Lo….. If you promise to be a good little girl and not keep ranting about suing us for all we'll have I'll take it off!

J.LO: -Ponders for a moment-  MM (Translation.. Ok!)

-Duct tape is ripped off-

J.LO: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! That hurt I'll … -Authors cough- Er….. do nothing at all!!

M.G: Good I should bloody well think so. Carry on with this before I get annoyed and decide to torture you with my almighty balloon of death!!!!

ALL: -Look confused-

SPA: Er.. note to self. Do NOT let M.G have Whiskey EVER again!

M.G: -Pouts-

TRE: Okay… can we please carry on with this thing.

M.G: Right… come on guys move it or lose it.

CLA: Right then…. Turn a quarter turn to your left and walk straight on.

-J.Lo does so and yet again walks into the wall-

J.LO: YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT WAS THERE!!!!!!

AUTHORS: -Laugh- HELL NO!!!! That is way too funny!

GAR: I-I … a-aa-agree. –Laughs in stupid girly laugh- Hey that isn't my laugh!!!

AUTHORS: -Whistle innocently-

J.LO: AHEM! Where have I got to go?

CHR: Take a side step to your right and go straight.

-J.Lo eventually walks through the door-

J.LO: Okay you low lives where am I?

GAR: Yo-your in a room, and there I-is….

J.LO: Oh for God's sake can someone please speak instead of him… it's just plain annoying!!

GAR: -looks offended- W-w-w-why you st-stuck up cow! Ta-tttake your head o-out of y-your oversized arse!!!

M.G: People, people can't we just get along?

ALL: NO!!!!!!!!

CLA: Anyway, you're in a room and there is a door to your left and in front of you there is a table.

J.LO: OOOOOO you don't say!! And WHAT pray tell is on said table.

SPA: Er…. How do you know there is anything on the table?

J.LO: -Shifts uncomfortably- Lucky guess….. yeah lucky guess

M.G: -Laughs- I don't think so….. I'm thinking that Ms Lopez has watched this before….

J.LO: I have NOT. Why would I lower myself to watching this low budget piece of tacky crud.

SPA: -Singsong threat- Jennifer…..

J.LO: Okay OKAY…. I watched it once or twice when I was on tour… HAPPY NOW!!!!!

AUTHORS: Extremely…

M.G: -Sings- Don't be fooled by the box that I've got, I'm just a closet knightmare watcher from the block!

ALL: -Laugh-

J.LO: -Highly peeved- DON'T YOU MOCK MY SONG!!!!

M.G: I'll mock your song if I want to….. which I do coz that is the tacky crud around here.

TRE: Er.. much as this IS amusing me…. We have a limited time-span so can we move it along a little.

CLA: Right… on table there is a golden rubber chicken, some food and a yoyo??

SPA: OOooooo pretty shiny chicken!!

J.LO: A YOYO???? There is a godamn yoyo on there!

M.G YUP!!! Anywho continue!!!

CHR: Walk forward and pick up the food.

J.LO: No DUH!! –Does so- ICKIE!!!! Mouldy bread….. It's real mouldy I can see the maggots.

SPA: You don't have to eat it, just put it in the goddamn rucksack….

J.LO: But it's GROSSSSSSS!!!!

TRE: Fine then….. Let yourself starve…… you know it'll all come off your arse.

J.LO: -Gulps- You win! –Picks up bread tentively- what else should I pick up?

GAR: I- I ssssay you p-pick up the y-y-y-y-yo y-y-y-y-y-y-yo

CHR: Well I say the chicken…. It's gold… ooooooo gold.

GAR: Y-yo y-yo

CHR: Chicken

GAR: Y-yo Y-yo!

CHR: Chicken!

SPA: Oh for GODS SAKE just pick already!!!

M.G: Yeah…… This argument is getting boring! Just toss a coin or something!

TRE: -Magically produces coin out of…. I'll leave that to the imagination- Okay heads or tails?

CHR/ GAR: Heads!!!

CHR/ GAR: TAILS!!!! Hey you stop saying my side!!!!

PIC: Oh for the love of god! You are heads and you are tails so just flip the dam coin and get it sorted already!

TRE: -Flips coin- its heads so the chicken is the winner!!

CHR: -Stands up and does Rocky movement- Oh Yeah… I would like to thank Treguard for picking my side and…..

M.G: This isn't your Oscar speech!!! Get on with the game!!!!!

J.LO: Where have I gotta go now you lame people!

CLA: Take three side steps to your left and walk forward.

-J.Lo does so and is sucked into a L-O-N-G passageway-

J.LO: -Bat flies into face- ARRGGGGGHHHHH There's some horrible flying rodent thingy attacking me!!

SPA: I believe that is called a bat you stupid big arsed cow!

STUDIO: -Laugh-

J.LO: -Mutter mutinously-

-She comes out into a forest path and there is a random woman on the path, dressed as a warrior-

WAR: -Really high pitched voice- Who goes there….

TRE: I believe that is one of the warrior maidens of the forest… J.Lo you'd better tread carefully.

WAR: I said who goes there! Answer now…..

J.LO: -Takes deep breath-

M.G: URGH!!! Cover your ears people!!! She's gonna sing!!!

J.LO: -Sings- I'm J.Looooo, the way I look, my arse so big, I'm J.Looooooo, my screechy voice can make you blind. Oh yeah! I am such a loser….. HEY THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY!!!!!!

SPA: -Sniggers-

M.G: Oh you didn't!

SPA: -Whistles innocently- You like?

M.G: Oh HELL YEAH! Do it again!!!

SPA: With pleasure!! –Snaps fingers-

-J.Lo is dressed like Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror picture show-

J.LO: L-L-L-LL-LOOOOOOOOOOK at me, I think I'm so pretty, but I ain't REALLLLLLLLLYYY I'm just a hag!!!!

M.G: Bravo….. May I try!

SPA: Be my guest!

M.G: Hmmm let's see what I can come up with –snaps castanets-

J.LO: -Is now dressed like a certain Iraqi dictator starts singing- But I can't change, I can't change I'm nothing but a dirty little skank bag!

TRE: Ladies as much as I hate to interrupt your fun, we do have to move on….. The warrior ain't looking to happy.

M.G: AWWWWWWWW but it was soooooo funny.

SPA: NOT FAIR!!! Our fun is always ruined!!!

WAR: You insolent fool! I was going to offer you my help but for your impudence you now have no chance! –She stalks off-

J.LO: -Quietly fuming-

M.G: I think we pissed her off….. Our mission is a success!!!!!!

J.LO: Too right!!! Where have I got to go and hurry up so I can get out of this godforsaken  nightmare.

SPA: It's Dayknightmare actually……

M.G:  No comment!

CLA: Well you should go forwards straight ahead.

-Horn blows-

TRE: Oh my there are goblins on your tail… better hurry.

J.LO: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW GOBLINS!!!! I HATE THIS PLACE!!!! –Runs like loony-

-Bells sounds J.Lo freezes mid prance and in mid-air-

TRE: This time is over, and I must freeze you sad lot whilst we prepare for next time. –Claps his hands and does a little jig-

-Chris, Clare and Gareth are frozen-

M.G: Phew thank god that's over…. This TV malarkey is hard work!

SPA: Yeah I know! But it's fun…. And that footage is sooooo going on the net! –Evil grin-

M.G: Amen to that! See you next time guys! Don't do anything I would do!

TRE: Wonder what she meant by that?

Fin Chapter 2

A/N: WAHOOO finished! OMG that has taken way to long!!!! Stay tuned for the next instalment where even more depraved hilarity will ensue! Chapter three: The Quest continues!


	3. The Quest Continues

DayKnightmare: A Parody

Chapter Three: The Quest Continues…..

A/N: Oh yeah I'm back!!! I've actually REALLY gotten into writing this…. So I decided to update this pretty quick. This is also due to the constant nagging of people I know who accidentally read it not knowing it was me and upon finding out who wrote it decided to be my 'nag her until she does updates' club……. I suppose I should take it as a compliment!

Disclaimer: I don't have to do one La-la-la-la-la-laaaa!!!

Dedication: To John and Neil for being my 'nag her until she updates' club members who have a special role in this –EVIL grin-  and obviously to Sparrow for being my little muse throughout this adventure! Now onwards!!!

Our contestants were once again left in trapped in time, much to the pleasure of the general populace. The authors had disappeared once again planning their next batch of stunts and Treguard and Pickle were feeling, well….. A tad bored.

TRE: I honestly don't know what could be taking them so long!

PIC: They ain't here! Be grateful!

TRE: I am slightly but I'm seriously bored! I know lets prank call Lord Fear!!!

PIC: YOU WANNA DO WHAT!!!!!

TRE: I said lets prank call Lord Fear! Come on It'll be a laugh…… unless you're too chicken!

PIC: I am NOT a chicken! You senile old coot!! Talk about going through a mid-life crisis or what!!

TRE:-Looks confused- What's one of them?

PIC: -Shakes head- Never mind….. You've probably just been hanging around with those two psychos' for far too long!

TRE: Well then if I'm so senile and psychotic…… you can make the call then! –Tosses cell phone to Pickle-

PIC: I walked straight into that one didn't I?

TRE: YUP! –Grins smarmily-

PIC: -Mutters something nasty-

TRE: Pickle now that's not nice……. Hurry up and make the call!!!

PIC: -Grumbles and dials number-

-Phone rings and is picked up-

LORD F: Hello Dark Realms of the Dungeon, Lord Fear speaking how may I help you?

-Silence-

LORD F: HEY!!! Whose there? Hey helllllllllllooooooo?

-Still silence-

LORD F: Hey if whoever this is doesn't speak…… I'm gonna set a horde of curses on your backsides that will be so evil and….. Eviller you won't believe it!

-Still silence-

LORD F: DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE INSULTING!!!! I AM THE MASTER OF THIS DUNGEON!!!!!

-Silence but with faint sniggers in the background-

LORD F: THAT DOES IT!!!! THUNDER BOLTS HUNT DOWN THE INSULTER AND SHOW THEM WHY NO ONE SHOULD MESS WITH LORD FEAR MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

PIC: Oh st!!! –Quickly hangs up-

TRE: I wouldn't worry Pickle…… this room is very strongly warded, no curse of his will get in.

PIC: Then what's THAT then!! –Points at ceiling where storm-cloud is forming-

TRE: Oh dear!!! Pickle I'd advise you to……

-Cloud throws thunder bolt at Pickle-

PIC: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! –Does Anime style shocked pose and crumples to floor-

TRE:…… Run. Oh dear I said that a bit too late didn't I?

PIC: -Electrified- I'd zzay zzo –Glares at Treguard- Wardz my azzz!

M.G: HI GUYS!!! Were back!!

SPA: What did we miss?

AUTHORS: -Look blankly at Pickle who is still frazzled- What the hell happened to you?!?

TRE: He prank called Lord Fear and he retaliated by sending a thunderbolt to zap the person who did it.

PIC: It waz your bloody idea!

M.G: That shouldn't have happened, we warded the place so no curses could get in…????

SPA: That can only mean one thing…….

AUTHORS: Someone else is trying to take over the fic!!!

TRE: And that is a bad thing because……

AUTHORS: -Glare at Treguard-

M.G: It's a very bad thing…… it can cause all sorts of chaos. As the original authors we are still in control but someone is trying to change it to their own purposes.

SPA: That means they can make you or Pickle completely disappear from this and make Lord Fear the grand ruler and everything. The point is ANYTHING is possible in our world of the FanFic writers, we can make anything happen so that's why we have to be careful we don't screw up your world.

TRE: Oh….. Right…. So any idea's who it could be???

SPA: No idea?

M.G: -Is strangely silent-

SPA: M.G what's up?

M.G: Huh? Oh nothing just thinking really….. Who could it be? I know it's not Johnny… this isn't her kind of thing and I definitely know it ain't S.J.….she doesn't even know this stuff exists… Gah this is frustrating!!

SPA: Calm down M.G… Lets just get on with the game… we'll catch 'em!

M.G: Yeah I suppose you're right…. Treguard if you will…

TRE: Certainly –Claps hands-

-The motley crew of losers are unfrozen-

J.LO: -Falls to the ground with a huge CRASH-

STUDIO: -Laugh-

J.LO: THIS IS SO HUMILIATING!!! –Notices slight change in outfit- AND WHY THE HELL AM I DRESSED IN THIS SKIMPY THING!!!!

AUTHORS: -Look confused- We didn't do that!!!

TRE: The phantoms changer strikes again!!!

M.G: -Fuming mad-

SPA: UH-OH…. –Moves away slowly-

TRE: What's 'Uh-OH' for?

SPA: M.G's starting to lose her cool… which is NOT a good thing!

M.G:….. –Types something down, J.Lo is back in her normal clothes- I think it's safe to assume the offending party is male! No female would ever do that!

SPA: -Nods-

J.LO: I can't believe I'm saying this but thanks….. –Shudders- niceties are so overrated! Right where have I got to go now?

GAR: Go straight ahead and follow the path…… hey my stutters gone!

M.G: Okay NOW I'm peeved!!! It's one thing, to try and take over our fic but to take away Gareth's stutter is an inhumane thing to do…… we can't make fun of him no more!!! You load of sadistic sons of bitches!!! –Goes off on random rant-

SPA: M.G!!!!! –Slap sound is heard- CALM DOWN!!!

M.G: Thanks mate –Takes deep breath- Okay continue!!!

CHR: Right J.Lo walk forward….

-J.Lo does so and goes onto next screen, deeper into the forest on the floor is a spyglass thingy-

J.LO: Where am I fools!

CLA: You're deeper in the forest….. The path branches out into two ways and there is this random looking glass thing on the floor.

TRE: Why not pick it up….. who knows what you might see.

J.LO: Should I losers…… why am I asking you…. I take orders from no one! For I am J.Lo!

STUDIO: WEIRD!!!!

-J.LO picks up glass and looks into it.-

LORD F: Ah… I see you have returned from your mission….. you are doing well you two.

PER 1: Thank you my Lord! I'm glad you approved of our changes……

LORD F: Of course, those meddling authors and that senile old coot Treguard are going to deserve what come to them.

PER 2: And our reward……

LORD F: You will have control of this fic and shall be made all powerful in this realm.

1 & 2: Thank you Lord Fear!

LORD F: You have done well Neilus and Johno… you shall be vastly rewarded, keep up your fine work. Torment those authors into submission!!.... –Looks puzzled-…. Someone is watching me…..

TRE: PUT THE DAM GLASS DOWN NOW!!!!

J.LO: But I'm so beautiful…. –Admires self in mirror-

SPA: -Scribbles something down- That's that solved!!!

-Mirror disintegrates-

J.LO: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

M.G: -Is fuming mad-

TRE: What's up with her!!

M.G: -Eye twitching-

SPA: Watch out she's gonna blow!!!! –Covers ears and hits deck-

M.G: -Has random swearing rant which can not be entered due explicit content-

ALL: -Ears hurt- OUCH!!

SPA: Feel better now…….

M.G: Much!!! But when I get my hands on those two they are NOT going to know what hit them!!

SPA: Yeah! Lets get our counterattack ready!!!

TRE: But finish this chapter first!!!!

M.G: Yeah, yeah whatever……

J.LO: Where to now idiots…

CHR: Left or right?

CLA: Right!!!

GAR: Left!!!

TRE: Oh NOT AGAIN!!!

AUTHORS: -Snigger-

PIC: I think they should let the lady have her way…..

TRE: That's very gentlemanly of you Pickle….

PIC: It's not that….. It's just obvious that she will nag and nag until she gets her own way!

CLA: HEY!!!!

M.G: Well that's the truth!

SPA: -Nods in agreement-

TRE: Okay… Right it is!

CHR: Okay J.Lo turn a quarter turn to your right and walk forward!!!

-J.Lo does so and trips over tree stump (Yes this is a running theme)-

J.LO: YOU ALL HATE ME!!!!

SPA: And you say that like it isn't obvious!!

J.LO: -Glares best she can under helmet-

M.G: Get up you lazy bum….. Limited time-span you know!!

J.LO: NO I am not moving an INCH further!!!

-Horn blows again-

TRE: Clearly you will be moving unless you want to be bludgeoned to death by goblins!

J.LO: I just got rid of them!

M.G: Well there back so I advise you move your posterior unless you want it maimed in unimaginable ways!

J.LO: Okay I'm moving! –Prances down path-… HEY!!!!

AUTHORS: -Laugh-

-Next scene is a mountain path-

TRE: Ah the mountains of despair! Be aware… it is not only allies of Lord Fear that will hunt you here!

M.G: Hey Treguard's a poet and he didn't know it!

TRE: -Exasperated Glare-

J.LO: I hate mountains… I hate forests….. I hate castles…. In short I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!!

ALL: WE DON'T CARE!!!!

-Bells dongs, J.Lo freezes mid-rant-

TRE: Time to freeze you lot as well! –Claps hands in a Salsa style-

-Other three losers are frozen-

M.G: Phew thank god that's over…..

SPA: Only for now….. We have some ass kicking to do!!!

M.G: OH YEAH!!! I'm gonna torture those two so bad for siding with the enemy!!! HOW DARE THEY!!!!

SPA: AMEN!!!!

TRE: Oh what are you two planning now?

AUTHORS: You'll see!!! See you later guys –Disappear-

PIC: Why am I suddenly VERY SCARED!!!

TRE; Well the saying goes 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' and those two have definitely been scorned!

PIC: Those two guys are in for it now aren't they!

TRE: -Grins evilly-

PIC: GOOD! Serves those goits right for screwing with our stuff!

TRE: wonder what they're gonna do!!!

PIC: I dunno, but it's gonna be good!

End Chapter Three

A/N: So that's that one out they way…. And now there are some new antagonists in this little spiel, who will our heroes (?) react to this new foe….. stay tuned for all the answers and more in the next chapter of Dayknightmare: The Quest Continues…. Again


	4. The Quest Continues Again

Dayknightmare: A Parody Of Sorts

Chapter four: The quest continues……… Again

A/N: Yay I'm finally back…… after my laptop so unceremoniously crashed and deleted all my work! –Growls- anywho I've got it up and running again so work is back underway! Enjoy Peeps!

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Juno, for being the only person to review this…… and to Dawn for helping me an unbelievable amount so I had the time to actually write this!

We return to the scene where we last left off, Treguard, Pickle and the Authors are holding a conference so they can try and figure out how to deal with the 'Renegade Authors' now dubbed as by M.G 'The _Bloody_ enemy'.

TRE: So ladies what's the plan?

M.G: I have no idea Treguard….. I've been trying to come up with a plan all day and I can't think of a single thing. GAHHHH!!!

SPA: Calm down M.G…. you'll think of something, you always do.

PIC: Listen I don't care, just as long as this ends quickly.

ALL: -Glare at Pickle-

PIC: What?

M.G: Pickle's right I may as well just give up!

SPA: WHAT!!!! M.G have you gone starkers!! This is not the M.G I know and respect with fear!

TRE: I really can't believe you're just giving up.

M.G: I know, I know…. I just can't think of anything…… it's driving me mental!!

SPA: Us too because your being insufferable!

ALL: -Nod-

M.G: Oh thanks your support is warming.

PIC: We didn't mean it nasty. It's just you've been whinging all day about those two losers.

M.G: Yah I know……….  AHHHHHHH!!!

SPA: M.G what is it?

M.G: EUREKA!!!! I have it!!!

SPA: W00T!!! About time!!!

TRE: So what's the plan guys and gals?

M.G: This is what we're going to do…………

Few minutes later

M.G: Okay is everyone clear on what we've got to do!

ALL: -Nod-

PIC: Are you sure this is going to work?

M.G: It has too…… for all our sakes…. –Insert dramatic silence-

SPA: That was just creepy –Shudders-

TRE: Yah!

M.G: Enough dilly-dallying…… unfreeze that lot so we can continue with this…. I'm feeling…inspired –Evil grin-

PIC: Why does that not sound good.

SPA: Because it isn't……… When M.G gets inspired chaos or something very bad happens.

M.G: THAT IS SO NOT TRUE!!!! Let's get on with this!! Treguard if you would!

TRE: Indeed… -Claps hands and finishes salsa-

-The losers are unfrozen-

CHR: I really hate that!! You could have destroyed my hair!!

SPA: -Sarcastic- And that would be a travesty……

CHR: I can't help the fact that I'm beautiful……

ALL: -Look grossed out-

TRE: That sentence was so wrong in so many ways……

J.LO: I agree……

ALL: -Look in shock-

J.LO: I mean I'm the only beautiful one around here……

PIC: Oh my god…… what an ego.

M.G: It's fairly filling this room……

J.LO: -Glares as best she can under helmet-

TRE: A-HEM! Can we please get a move on……

J.LO: Fine guys… where am I?

GAR: (With stutter returned)Y-your on a P-path…..

M.G: I'm so glad that's back in…… it just seemed wrong without it.

SPA: I agree!

CLA: You should just walk forward as it only goes straight!

J.LO:  -Sniffs- Fine! –Walks off-

-Is closer to the mountain the path is now split into a fork. One leading around the mountain and one leading through the caves-

J.LO: Where am and what should I do fools!

CHR: There is a path in front of you and splits one leads into the caves and one leads around the mountain…..

J.LO: I am NOT traipsing all the way around some cruddy mountain!! My feet will be massacred!

GAR: W-wwell I t-think that is d-decided!

CLA: Okay then J.Lo…. turn a quarter turn to your left and walk forward.

-J.Lo does so-

J.LO: Where am I?

CHR: You're in a cave….

ALL: DUH!!!

CHR: -Glares-…..and in front of you is a thin bridge with some sort of…. Gateway over it.

SPA: M.G do you know what that thing is? It doesn't quite look like it belongs here.

M.G: No clue…. Do you think it could be them again?

SPA: Possibly…. You wanna risk it

M.G: -Sarcastic look-

SPA: I'll take that as a yes then….

M.G: Are pigs flightless?

SPA: Okay guys direct her through!!

GAR: W-walk… forward Th-through the g-gateway

SPA: Are you sure about this?

M.G: Of course I am… I mean what's the worst that could happen…

SPA: -Thinks about the worst that could happen-….. –Shudders-

M.G: Okay not a wise choice of words….. but it could be interesting.

SPA: True….

J.LO: Er… HELLO! What am I supposed to be doing here…..

CLA: JUST WALK FORWARD!!!

J.LO: FINE!!! –Walks forward through gateway and big flashy light show occurs-

-Smoke clears-

ALL: -Stare-

J.LO: -In deeper voice- Hey what are you all staring at?...... hey what happened to my voice…… AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL: -Start laughing-

J.LO: -Sobs-  NOOOOO!!! What's happened to me……

SPA: Well it appears you've been turned into a guy.

ALL: -Still laughing-

J.LO: DO SOMETHING!!!!

M.G: -Wipes tears from eyes- Do something? I'm not sure if I can…

J.LO: And why not?!?

M.G: Because that gateway thingy was not something I put in the fic…. So therefore I'm not sure if I can reverse it!

J.LO: -Looks shocked- But… But….

SPA: But nothing…. You'll just have to carry on….. Until we can find someone who can reverse it.

TRE: But who would be able to?

M.G: Dunno…. We'll have to wait and see!

J.LO: I REFUSE TO MOVE ANOTHER STEP UNTIL YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!!

M.G: AND I JUST TOLD YOU I CAN'T SO YOU BETTER GET A MOVE ON UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE PERMENTLY STUCK LIKE THAT!!!

J.LO: -Sniff- Fine……

CHR: Carry on walking over the bridge then…… John… -Smirks-

J.LO: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! –Runs over bridge shrieking hysterically-

SPA: So much for being discreet!!

TRE: I know…… I don't think I've ever had such a noisy dungeoneer!!!

-Runs through into next room. There is a passageway and some food on the floor-

CHR: Okay can you see the items….

J.LO: Of course I can idiot…. I'm not retarded!!

PIC: -Mutters- Could've fooled me….

ALL: -Snigger quietly-

GAR: O-oo-okay so W-what's there?

J.LO: Just some mouldy cheese….

CLA: Well put it in your knapsack!! Idiot!!

J.LO: -Looks grossed out- EWWWW it smells!!!

CHR: Not again…… JUST PUT IT IN ALREADY!!!!

SPA: That sounded SOOOO wrong!!!

ALL: -Glare-

J.LO: -Picks up cheese and puts in knapsack- So where too…

GAR: J-just walk straight a-aa-ahead.

-J.Lo walk forward and into the next room-

-The next room is one of the well known 'number puzzles over a huge chasm' often seen in this series-

J.LO: Okay what's going on???

TRE: It appears we have stumbled into one of Lord Fears infamous trap puzzles….. You'll have to choose your path wisely.

J.LO: Why do I have to choose my path wisely?

PIC: You have to either that or fall to a horrible plummeting death!

J.LO: -Shudders- Thanks for that.

PIC: You're welcome –Grins evilly-

M.G: Come on these things are easy….. you've just gotta figure out the pattern!

J.LO: So what's the pattern losers? Where do I have to stand!

STUDIO: -Look lost-

TRE: Please tell me you picked helpers with at least one iota of intelligence.

M.G: Ummm…. Not really….. I mean Clare is quite clever but she doesn't often show it, unless it's for people who she fancies….

SPA: I have an idea!

M.G: -Sarcastic- Well there's a first!

SPA: -Glares-

M.G: I was kidding, honestly just kidding.

SPA: Fine –Shakes head-… do you want to hear my idea?

M.G/ TRE/ PIC: YUP!!!

SPA: Okay this is it……… whisper whisper -Points at Gareth- Whisper whisper -Points at Clare Whisper whisper

TRE: I'll admit….. that's pretty good!

M.G: And insightful…….

PIC: And devious…….

M.G/ TRE/ PIC: WE LOVE IT!!!!

M.G: You know what to do gentlemen…….

TRE: -Sighs- Gareth I need to talk to you a moment………

GAR: -Gets up and walks over-

TRE: -Hushed tones-  Listen Gareth we want you to bribe Clare…..

GAR: W-with w-what exactly?

TRE: Er… you –Notices Gareth's horrified expression- …. No, no nothing rude… just a kiss or something. Listen the girls said that Clare is quite clever but only when she's sucking up to people she likes…. So if you give her a little incentive she might….. y'know figure this puzzle out.

GAR: W-what's in it f-for me?

TRE: Girls said they will grant you one wish in this realm….. and they mean just about anything… except something that will 'Up the rating' they said…….

GAR: How soon can they grant it….

TRE: Soon as they can I suppose, depending on how big it is…..

GAR: -Grins- Okay I'll do it. Tell them my wish is……. Remove my stutter. –Goes back over and begins to work his charms(?)-

-Random bell thingy goes-

TRE: All over for this time… -Blows on harmonica and loser freeze-… Yeesh this is the slowest adventure I've ever partaken in!

M.G: So did he say he'd do it!!

TRE: He said he would….. But I don't think you'll like his request…..

M.G: Why….. What did he request Treguard?

TRE: -Mumbles-

M.G: -In motherly telling off voice complete with raised eyebrows- Treguard!

TRE: Hesaidhewantedyoutoremovehisstutter…..

SPA: WHOH! In English and not some weird alien language please.

TRE: He said he wanted you to remove his stutter….

M.G: -Looks upset- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

-Sparrow pats M.G comfortingly on the back-

And so we leave this scene with M.G's turmoil at having lost one of her greatest weapons against Gareth. However the fact that J.Lo was still a man made her feel much happier. Tune in for all this madness and more in the next instalment of…..

Dayknightmare: The quest continues….. again and again!


	5. The Quest Continues Again and Again

Dayknightmare: A Parody Of Sorts

Chapter Five: The Quest Continues……… again and again.

A/N: W00t back again….. surely you must be getting sick of this by now… really….. you're not? Okay I'm joking… it's only the voices in my head saying that… -Sighs- A few more reviews would be nice though –Puppy dog eyes- PWEASE!!

I really can't believe this has made it FIVE chapters…. That some kind of a record for me! It was only supposed to be a stupid one off thing that I wouldn't update… but hey… if you like it… continue it

When we left we had found the _bloody_ enemy had a new trick up their sleeve, turning J.Lo into a guy…. Although this was met with mixed feelings of horror (J.Lo) and utter amusement (The rest of us). The quest is progressing slowly but steadily…. But they haven't even passed Level one yet. So we get the feeling this is going to be a l-o-n-g story.

M.G: Oh woe is me and all that woeful crap! HOW DARE HE ASK FOR THAT!!!!!

SPA: Ah come on M.G…. it isn't that bad….

M.G: -Glare of death-

SPA: Okay maybe it is….. but there's no need to be all melodramatic…..

M.G: - Continues Glare of death-

SPA: Geez will you cut that out….. it really looks like as if you want to kill me.

M.G: -Sigh- I wanna kill someone….. but not you… you are my one of my best mates after all.

TRE: So ladies…. Have you decided whether you're going to grant Gareth his wish?

M.G: Were gonna do it…. Although I AM NOT very happy about it.

SPA: Come on…. You'll survive…..

M.G: Yeah but this is my fic and nothings seems to be going the way I want it too……… it's getting really frustrating, my others generally work out okay!

TRE: What do you mean 'others'?

M.G: -Laughs- My other fics….. you surely didn't think it was only you I tortured? I weave my demented magic into many realms Mwahahahahaha!!!

PIC: You know what…. You're such a freak.

M.G: Thanks….. I've always though so.

TRE/ PIC: -Cuckoo movement-

SPA: I agree wholeheartedly…. And I'm her best mate!

M.G: Umm… can we get off the pick on M.G groove……… BAD KARMA!!

SPA: Hate to mention this but you're not a Buddhist.

M.G: Shut up!!!

TRE: Right we've gotta get moving people.

M.G: Okay…… unfreeze 'em.

TRE: My pleasure…… –Blows on harmonica-

-The dastardly trio plus J.Lo are unfrozen-

CLA: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!! We're still here!!!

M.G: You were expecting Hawaii?

CLA: -Glares-

SPA: Now, now play nice missy!

TRE: Gareth…. May we have another short word?

GAR: S-s-sure!! –Walks over-…. W-what is it?

TRE: Well the authors said that they'd give you your request, but believe me they weren't happy about it.

GAR: -Smirks- I w-was hoping t-that'd b-be the r-reaction.

TRE: You're cruel….. Nice work!

GAR: S-so when a-are t-they gonna d-do it?

TRE: As soon as you clear the puzzle…. Then they promise to uphold their end of their bargain.

GAR: F-fair deal….. I-if you'll e-exc-cuse me? –Walks back over-

J.LO: PEOPLE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

CHR: Just give us a minute…. We're not geniuses!!!

SPA: Don't we know it!!!

TEAM: -Glare murderously-

GAR: -Innocently- So Clare, can YOU think of anything?

CLA: -Blushes-

REST OF US: -Puke into conveniently appearing barf bags.-

CLA: Well….. As I can see an alternating pattern that seems to be odd/ even.

GAR: Wow.. That's so clever… I wish I was smart enough to see this.

R.O.U: -Again with the barf bags-

CLA: -Resembles a beetroot- Um….. It was easy really….. There is only one odd or even number per row… surrounded by the number of the opposite type.

M.G: -Whispered- Okay I stand corrected… SHE has the biggest ego here.

SPA: Almost but not quite…..

M.G: Why who's is the biggest?

SPA: -Funny look-

M.G: -Confused- WHAT?? –Catches on… Sulks- I'm not talking to you.

SPA: -Laughs- I was only kidding! I don't think even your ego can top the ones in this room!

M.G:…………

SPA: Oops… I think I hacked her off……

PIC: You think?

SPA: Okay I have… alright…….

M.G: -Laughs- HAHAHAHAHA got ya!!! Ha… -Annoying sing song voice- Made you feel guilty, made you feel guilty.

SPA: -Vein popping- YOU BLOODY COW!!! I REALLY THOUGHT I'D UPSET YOU!!! WHY I OUGHTA….-Crashing heard in background-

M.G: -Cackling manically- Ha-ha you can't catch me!!!! WHAAAAA OUF!!!!!

SPA: Yeah I win!!!!

M.G: I think a draw would be more appropriate.

SPA: Fair do's….

M.G: Good…. Now would you please get off me!!

SPA: -Giggles- Course I will…..

M.G: Okay sorry about that….. Um where were we?

J.LO: I WAS WAITING FOR DIRECTIONS FROM THESE LAMES ASSES YOU CALL HELPERS!!!!!

SPA: Well EXCUSE ME!!!

TRE: Now, now there is no need to get all valley girl on us!

J.LO/ SPA: -Glare-

PIC: Come on people we're not even passed Level one yet….. Can we save the bickering for later?

CHR: The small cross-dressing pixie is right…… J.Lo listen very carefully…. Take a small step forward….. –J.Lo steps on to first number a six-

CLA: Right… turn a little bit to your left….

J.LO: Left? Right? Make up your mind…..

CHR: JUST TURN LEFT!!! –J.Lo does so-

J.LO: Now what?

CLA: Walk forward…

-Random row falls away-

J.LO: -Moves forward onto next number, a nine- Where to now?

-Next row falls away-

GAR: T-turn to y-your r-r-r-r-r-right…… a l-little more…. N-now walk f-f-f-forwards.

J.LO: -Walks onto a two-… And…..?? –Waves impatient hand-

-And the next row-

CHR: Turn some more to your right…. That's it! Now move forwards one step.

J.LO: I get it…. Geez I ain't that retarded…. –Moves onto a seven-

-And the next row-

CLA: Okay last one….. Turn right the way round to the left… stop there!! Perfect!! Right you know what to do….

J.LO: -Does so and lands on number eight- What now?

CHR: Turn a quarter turn to your right and walk forwards.

J.LO: -Walks into door frame- GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! -Takes sidestep and walks through the door-

M.G: Okay… time to put the wish into affect –Sobs-

-We are transported back outside on the edge of the forest, ahead there is a castle and on the right hand side of the path there seems to be some kind of merchant.-

TRE: Hmmm looks like old Percy is back in the trading business. He is very well known in these parts, but as with many things his allegiance does not come for free.

PER: -Irish-eque accent- My, my what a fine day… hello there… and who may you be?

M.G: Don't you even DARE sing…. If you know what's good for you….

J.LO: Things couldn't get much worse…..

SPA: Oh believe me…. They could.

J.LO: Hello… my name is J.Lo…..

PER: J.Lo? My that is a strange name….. And what may I be doing for you today?

J.LO: There is a lot you could do for me……..

M.G: This is getting us no where… Here let me talk to him. Oi Percy…. How've you been doing mate?

PER: My is that you M.G, m'dear? Last time we talked was when you were doing that thing with the dragons……

M.G: Yeah….. That was one fun birthday……

SPA: Too true….

PER: And dear Sparrow is there too… hello there… I see she's let you in on this one.

SPA: Yeah, for once she isn't being a glory hog.

M.G: -Pulls tongues-

PER: So what can I do for you ladies?

M.G: Information if you please….. Oh and a shortcut to Level two would be fab if you could.

PER: Hmm the info I can do……. But it'll cost you, what do you want to know?

SPA: That one over there has a golden chicken…. Take that as payment…..

M.G: …. And we want to know about the two renegade authors hanging about.

PER: Ah… I had a feeling you might want to know about them….. I don't know much more than you do…. Only they're a pair of authors on a destructive spree. Why? What have they been doing to you?

SPA: What HAVEN'T they been doing…… they've been totally messing around with our dungeoneer and this fic.

PER: That's very bad….. Hmm all I can give ya' is that I know that they have a hangout on Level two… but that's it. So what did they do to your dungeoneer?

M.G: They turned her into a guy…

PER: -Laughs hysterically- OMG!!!!

AUTH: -Almighty Glare of Death-

PER: -Notes death glare- He-hem… Okay fair enough… but you have to admit it's funny.

M.G: It is….. but they shouldn't have been able to do that… and now I can't reverse it.

PER: Well I can help ya with that one…. Merlin has one of his enchanted cottages down the road, and if you carry on down the road…. It leads you to a tunnel that will take you to level two…..

SPA: Percy YOU. ARE. THE. GREATEST!!!! Thanks so much!!!!

PER: Hold your horses lassies, you need a spell to reveal the cottage…… and that's it 'REVEAL'

M.G: Again thanks Percy! I seriously owe you one……

PER: Eh no problems… just be sure to invite me to your next birthday bash.

M.G: You got it!!!

TRE: Onwards then troupes..

CHR: J.Lo turn to your right…. Can you see the small path?

J.LO: Barely…..

CLA: Well follow it and hurry up about it!!!

J.LO: -Humphs and follows path-

-Next scene is a slightly more wooded area but there appears to be a large 'gap' as if something is missing-

GAR: Think this is the place…

CLA: I think you're right Gareth –Uses disgusting puppy dog eyes-

CHR: Well then lets try the spell…..

ALL: _Spellcasting! R-E-V-E-A-L- REVEAL!_

-Insert image of random cottage here-

VOICE: WHO DARES DISTURB ME!!!

J.LO: I do… I need your help.

-Flashy lighting affect and a guy in a long purple robe appears-

MER: I am the great and powerful Merlin…. Why have you come to seek my guidance!!

J.LO: -Opens mouth to speak-

M.G: Allow me… -Snaps fingers and puts J.Lo into fast forward-

A minute later

J.LO: -Panting for breath-

TRE: And that's it basically….

MER: Quite a predicament you've gotten yourself into Treguard….

TRE: You're telling me….

MER: Well as for the gender change… that is easy… but I will need something in return…

J.LO: Geez is nothing for free in this show?

M.G: You should know –Starts humming 'Closet knightmare watcher from the block'-

J.LO: -Glares-

MER: I have it! When you finally capture the renegade ones…. I would like their writing quill

CHR: Quill? What's one of those….?

ALL: -Facepalm-

M.G: It's a done deal!!

MER: Good, good! Now to aid you I will give you the password that will get you past the first guardian of the level two gate and it is 'acorn' don't forget it!

J.LO: And what's the second guardian?

MER: He checks your general knowledge…… Enough of that…. Anyway when you get the quill just yell out my name and I will be there like a flash.

TRE: Thank you Sir.

MER: You're welcome…. But first things first.

-Flashy light show take two and J.Lo is a girl again-

J.LO: YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY I'm female again THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!

MER: You are most welcome…… Now I must scoot… I have a poker evening to attend. Goodbye for now

-Vanishes as quick as he came-

GAR: That was good of him…

M.G: Yeah it was… but you lot better make sure you get that quill or else.

CHR: We'll get it don't worry about it!!!

M.G: GOOD! The thought of that guy coming after me is scary.

ALL: Very Scary!!

-Bell tolls J.Lo is frozen-

TRE: Now for the rest of you… -Does a Cossack and the others freeze-

M.G: Hey we're making some progress… were almost at level two.

TRE: Thank Christ for that….. I was about to paint my eyelids…. –Notes looks-… Like my eyes idiots… so I looked awake….

SPA: Ah… I see.

M.G: Saying that WHAT time is it….. -Looks at quill-watch?- OMG It's 1.30 am!!! (A/N: This is true)

SPA: I think it's time we got some rest people…. It's going to be a long tomorrow!


	6. The Quest Continues Again and Again and ...

Dayknightmare: A parody of sorts

Chapter six: The Quest Continues Again… and Again…and Again

A/N: -Sings to the tune of DISCO- Oh yeah, new chap-ter! Oh yeah, new chap-ter. Well as you can tell your friendly neighbourhood desecrater is back… to wreck more havoc on the masses of fandom's…Mwahahahahahahaha!!! Sorry this has taken so long…. But I've been kinda busy not getting sacked from my job…..but that's a story for another day kiddies. Anywho enjoy Peeps!!!!

At the end of the last chapter there were mixed feelings of relief and anger. After a chance meeting with Percy the merchant, they stumbled upon Merlin, who gave the loser brigade a helping hand and turned J.Lo back into a gal (Sob!). Now our intrepid heroes (?) head toward Level Two. With a slightly sulky author following close behind.

M.G: -Sigh- …………

SPA: I really don't understand what's up with her… she hasn't spoken since the end of the last chapter; she went to sleep and then woke up and refused to say anything at all.

TRE: Sounds to me like she's in a bit of a sulk…. Because of the way the last chapter went.

PIC: Either that or its woman's problems

TRE: -Looks clueless- What??

PIC: Y'know that time of the month…..

TRE: -Still no idea- Come again…..

PIC: -Shakes head- You know you are so dense sometimes!!!!!

TRE: ……..? What did I do?

M.G: -Scribbles something down and taps Sparrow on shoulder-

SPA: Um….. Pickle M.G said that it was the first point and IT IS NOT HER TIME OF THE MONTH! And that due to the fact she's in a sulk her voice has also disappeared, although that wasn't intentional.

PIC: -Eye roll- Suuuuuure it wasn't.

M.G: -Glares, writes something down-

PIC: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THE TUTU AGAIN!!!!!!

ALL: -Laugh-

SPA: All I can say Pickle is….. Don't upset the author….. You've had enough warning.

M.G: -Writes-

SPA: Um.. She said Amen to that!

PIC: -Whinging- PLEASE CAN YOU TAKE ME OUT OF THIS THING PLLLLLLLLLEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEE!!!!

SPA: How about NO. Told you not to upset the author……

PIC: True…. But you're the author too! Isn't there anything you can do about it?

SPA: Well technically I could…. But that would make M.G mad and I SERIOUSLY don't want that to happen. Because as you well know….. We are also part of this world and so therefore she could do something real nasty to me.

M.G: -Writes, taps Sparrow on shoulder-

SPA: Awwww thanks M.G!

ALL: -Look confused-

SPA: Well she said that she wouldn't do anything to me as I'm one of her best mates. But you however are a completely different story.

PIC: ULP!

TRE: ULP! Indeed Pickle….. They did warn you not to annoy them.

PIC:…………

SPA: -Laughs- Awwww! We scared the ickle pixie boy

PIC: I AM NOT ICKLE…. I mean LITTLE!!!

ALL: -Laugh- Ickle Pickle. Lalalalalah!!

PIC: -Goes beet red and glares- I CAN'T HELP IF I'M VERTICALLY CHALLENGED!!! IT'S IN MY GENES!!!

TRE: How? You don't wear denim!

ALL: -Facepalm-

SPA: I believe he means his DNA not the clothing!

M.G: -Writes-

SPA: Um……. M.G said Yeah you idiot!!!

TRE: I'm not an idiot…. And like she can talk. She's the one who made herself lose her voice! If that isn't idiotic then I don't know what is!

M.G: -Glares-

TRE: -Pales and Coughs hastily- Okay I think we should be moving along people…. I'll just unfreeze this lot shall I –Backs away-.

SPA: Yes I think that's probably the best idea. –Looks at M.G worriedly-

TRE: Righty then….. –Finishes Cossack and falls over-

ALL: -Laugh out loud-

TRE: I HATE YOU!! You're all mean to me!!!

PIC: But it's FUNNY!!! And at least you're not dressed in a tutu!

TRE: True, but you're all still out to get me!!!!

SPA: Geez Treguard! Get a grip of yourself man! You're starting to lose the plot. –Slaps Treguard around the face-

M.G: -Nods-

TRE: Thanks… I don't know what came over me! I just felt weird all of a sudden…

SPA: I know what it was….. –Dramatic Pause-… It was them!!

-Insert eerie silence here-

CHR: As stated previously… that was creepy.

SPA: YUP! But the point was true. It looks as if the _bloody_ enemies meddling is staring to shift the balance in the fic from neutral to evil and it's putting a strain on the original characters.

CLA: Which means WHAT exactly?

SPA: We'd better hurry up and catch those guys before they take over. Otherwise it's the Chaos theory all over again!

ALL: -Sarcastic- LOVELY!

M.G: -Scribbles down-

SPA: Um… she said ' Lets move or lose people!' Plus something about the _bloody_ enemy which should not repeated…EVER, in the presence of another human being.

M.G: -Sulks-

SPA: HEY! You're the one always complaining about not putting in things that UP the rating

M.G: -Shrugs and waves hand in a 'fair enough' gesture-

TRE: Okay then. Let's get going!

-Scene shifts back to J.Lo who is still standing outside Merlin's cottage-

J.LO: It's about time you lot got back, my legs were staring to go stiff.

SPA: You were paralysed for GODS SAKE!!! Of course you were bloody stiff

ALL: -Polite indiscreet sniggering-

SPA: Oh GROW UP!

TRE: -Clears throat- Can we move on then?

GAR: Righty-oh….

M.G: -Cringes-

SPA: -Pats shoulder- I know, I know….

GAR: -Glares- J.Lo just keep walking forward along the path….

J.LO: Fine!

-Walks onto next screen, even more trees and rocks galore-

J.LO: Where am I?

CHR: You're still in the forest.

J.LO: Well that's a given…

CHR: -Glares-…. Stupid cow!

J.LO: -Sticks out tongue-…. Sticks and stones may break my bones by stupid goits can't hurt me!

M.G: -Scribbles-

SPA: She said…… 'Hey she's using our words!!! Brilliant…. She has become one of us!!'

J.LO: For the love of my ass NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

TRE: People we really need to move on.

J.LO: -Sobs- Fine…. Where should I go?

CLA: Just walk forward there is some weird doorway in front of you.

J.LO: -Looks up questioningly-

SPA: It's safe, it's part of the game that one!

J.LO: -Walks forward into doorway-

-Scene is one of those dungeon corridors with pillars down the sides.-

CHR: Okay all you have to do is walk forward…..

-Walks into pillar-

J.LO: ARGGGHHH! YOU F$£G B&#$D!!!!!!! YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!!!!!!!

CHR: -Looks smug- Maybe I did, maybe I didn't… it's up to you to decide.

SPA: Thank you very much Mr. Blind date voice guy!! Now on with the show!!!!!

CLA: -Sigh- Fine….. Take a small sidestep to your left J.Lo and then walk forward.

J.LO: -Does so-

-Comes to the end of the corridor and enters through the doorway.

SPA: PHEW! At least that wasn't one of those bladed doorways…..

M.G: -Nods and scribbles-

ALL: HUH?

SPA: She said 'I know… if it had been we would have been buggered because that lot have the quick communication skill of a sheep on marijuana' not that she'd know of course.

ALL: -Look suspicious-

SPA: Okay, okay like Percy said before…. It was one crazy birthday.

PIC: And as stated before…. You are officially WEIRD!!!!!

SPA: -Lightly- And I'M the one wearing the tutu?

PIC: -Blushes-

J.LO: AHEM PEOPLE! I am blind here! Where the hell am I?

-J.Lo is in a courtyard, straight ahead is a huge door-

TRE: Be careful J.Lo… this is the exit of Level one… there will be a guardian…have your wits about you!

J.LO: I AM NOT STUPID!!!!!

SPA: We never said you were –Whistles-

J.LO: -Glares best she can under helmet-

GAR: Okay J.Lo….. Walk forward.

J.LO: -Walks forward and door mutates into huge face-

STUDIO: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEETTTTT!!! –Crap load-

J.LO: -Really high pitched- AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! –Faints-

FACE: Hmmm… I seem to have that affect on people

SPA: We need one revival team STAT!

TRE: We don't have a revival team!

SPA: I know I've just always wanted to say that tee-hee!

-Insert screen flip here (Ala Will of the Macrocosm style) and everything is as it should be-

J.LO: -Trembling- What the hell is THAT!!!??

TRE: That is the guardian of Level one…. His name is Hesper.

J.LO: It has a NAME???

HES: Of course I do….. now what is the password you insignificant little runt!

J.LO: HMPH!!! And just WHO do you think you are talking to!!

HES: Some runty dungeoneer! Now give me the password!!!

J.LO: I'll have you know I'm a world famous pop star…

SPA: YEAH! In your own opinion that is!!!

ALL: -Snigger-

J.LO: -Glares- My name is J.Lo…. you better not forget it!!!

HES: Just tell me the bloody password already!!!!!

J.LO: Fine! Your bloody password is acorn! There happy now! Hurry up and let me through you stupid bricky git!

HES: -Changes from white to red-

TRE: Uh-Oh….. I feel a fight coming on!

SPA: Want me to smooth things over Treguard…

TRE: I'm sure you'll handle them sufficiently Miss Sparrow!

SPA: J.LO!!! What the hell do you think you are doing…. You are supposed to be negotiating with him …. NOT INSULTING HIM!!!!!!!

J.LO: But he insulted me! He called me a runt.

SPA: Well compared to him you are a runt…. So for once swallow your ego and get on with it. That is of course you want a REALLY angry Merlin coming after you for his quill and then 'reversing' his counter spell!

J.LO: -Whimpers- No, not that again…….. I'll be good.

SPA: Good now let's get moving!

HES: That password is correct…. Now comes the second test….. one of general knowledge, a puzzle of sorts.

TRE: Oh no…..

ALL: -Glare- We are not STUPID! We can solve one little insignificant puzzle!!!

HES: Humph…. I severely doubt it with what I've seen of YOUR intellect. Well if you think you are ready here comes the big one!!

J.LO: Bring it on BRICKY!!!!

HES: FINE!! What has four legs in the morning…… two in the afternoon…. And three in the evening..

J.LO: Ouuhhhh Toughie but not quite tough enough bricky dear. What you lot don't know however is that I love riddles! I have to have something to do whilst travelling around!!!

SPA: Did you know?

M.G: -Shakes head-

ALL: -Gape in shock-

M.G: -Scribbles-

SPA: -Sniggers- Have to agree with you there M.G!

TRE: What did she say!

SPA: She said 'Who knew she had a brain inside that balloon of a head!' and I'm inclined to agree!

J.LO: I HEARD THAT!

SPA: GOOD! It would have been wasted if you hadn't!

J.LO: -Growls-

TRE: Come on J.Lo….. take that guardian down! You can do it……

J.LO: -Brightens up- Of course I can… I'm J.Lo!!! Okay bricky here's the answer to your, oh, so, difficult little riddle. It's so pathetic I can't believe you actually asked me it!! But I said I'd answer and my answer is this it's….-Bell dongs and J.Lo freezes-

ALL: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHAT CRAPPY TIMING!

TRE: That's the name of the game people –Does rain dance and freezes the rest of them-

SPA: Thank god that's over…. Gutted about the crappy timing like….. but then again not gutted as we know the answer!

TRE: Me too….. Do you really think J.Lo knows the answer?

SPA: To be honest I haven't the foggiest! Perhaps she has talents we never knew about…. Urgh I just complimented her in a bizarre way.

M.G: -Shakes head- Tis' terrible that………

SPA: You can speak again!!!!

M.G: I could speak the WHOLE TIME –Starts laughing- I just wanted to see if you could go a whole chapter without any real input from me!

SPA: -Cheek is ticking furiously-

M.G: Um… I'm gonna move over here now……… See you later people BBBBYYYYYYYEEEE!!!! –Runs off-

SPA: M.G WHY YOU LITTLE……….!!! –Runs after her in fury-

TRE: Ah…… some things never change

PIC: And some definitely should! Come on we got a lot of work to do!

And so the curtain was closed at yet another interval in this story! Does J.Lo actually know the answer??…. Will the gang EVER get off Level one??.... Will M.G get the throttling she deserves??.... All this and more in the next instalment of DayKnightmare: A parody of Sorts!


	7. The Quest Continues Again and Again and ...

Dayknightmare: A Parody of Sorts

Chapter Seven: The Quest Continues Again …and Again… and Again …and Again!

A/N: -Looks proud of self- Hey yet another chapter up and running. I'm also very, very happy…… I GOT MY FIRST FLAME FOR THIS!!! W00T!!! Although this is normally a cause for concern I'm ecstatic! LOL! So to E who didn't actually leave an e-mail address THANKS!! It's nice to know someone red this!!!

A/N2: Hell yeah it's my birthday today (29th) So I just got loads of COOL stuff for my computer…. I LOVE MY PARENTS/ SISTER!!!

DIS: I don't own anything in this fic… except myself…. Everything else either belongs to some really rich TV/ film company and everyone else belongs to themselves.

When we left our… um… people at the end of the last chapter, they had finally reached the gateway to level two. However due to some very cruel timing they were frozen just as J.Lo was about to give her answer, much to the gangs annoyance and M.G and Sparrow's amusement. Now that everyone's regained their voices and lost more of their sanity… let's continue shall we.

SPA: Take this you evil little minx!!! –Crash is heard- and this!!! –Another crash-…..

M.G: Yo!!! Sparrow CHILL OUT!!!! I said I was sorry…. You're blowing this way out of proportion!!!! –Runs away-

SPA:: GRRRRRRR –Continues chasing- THEY DON'T CALL ME ANGRY FOR NOTHING!!!

M.G: OH BOY!! EEEEEEEKKKKKK!!!

-Insert random sounds of violence-

M.G: OKAY I SURRENDER!!!!! I'M SORRYYYYYYY!! JUST STOP DOING THAT! –Choking sounds-

SPA: Fine you're forgiven!!!

M.G: Bout time… you've been bloody chasing me for the last…. How long has it been?

SPA: -Shrugs- I dunno……? Lets just carry on with this.

M.G: Okay…. Whatever! –Grins-

TRE: Is it safe to come out??

PIC: Yeah… has world war three stopped yet?

M.G: Sod off…. We weren't that bad.

TRE: Tell that to everyone else… the masses that fled in your wake!

SPA: Okay NOW you're over exaggerating!

PIC: Are we buggary!! Loads of people were complaining about your rampage!

M.G: Okay so we may have messed up this realm a little… nothing a little spit and polish can't solve…..

SPA: Or a three ton dumper truck!

M.G: SPARROW!!!!

SPA: It's true… we did kinda trash the place…..

M.G: Yeah I know that and you know that but were not supposed to let THEM know that…..

TRE: -Laughs- Ha-ha BUSTED!!!

SPA: Oops…. Sorry!

M.G: No worries!! Come on Treguard lets get these loser on the move!!

PIC: Yeah… I wanna see if the bimbo actually knows the answer!!

M.G: Me too!!

TRE: Me THREE!!

ALL: -The Look-

TRE: -Sulks- Stop ruining my fun!

ALL: O-kay!

TRE: -Sulks more-

M.G: Come on Treguard…. Unfreeze em will ya?

TRE: NO! I'm sick of you people picking on me constantly! I'M ON STRIKE!!!!

M.G/ SPA: WHAT!!!!!

TRE: I'M GOING ON STRIKE!!! I SHALL TAKE NO FURTHER PART IN THIS INSANITY!!!

PIC: Way to go TREGUARD!!!!

AUTHORS: -Almighty glare of death-

PIC: -Cowers slightly-

TRE: I've had it up to here! I refuse to be tortured and tormented anymore! And your almighty glare of death is not going to work this time!!!

M.G: You can't just go on strike!

TRE: And CAN and I WILL!

SPA: I think he's serious M.G.

M.G: -REALLY P'Off- OH BLOODY FANTASTIC!!!! Not only have I got to put up with _'The Bloody Enemy'_ hanging about and messing things up! But now I've got mutinous staff. This is turning into a great day!

SPA: -Looks scared- Um… M.G I'm gonna take a step over here…. You're scaring me.

M.G: -Glares at Sparrow-

SPA: -Cowers- STOP THAT! It's really unnerving!

M.G: -Sulks- Why can't anything go right!

SPA: Because it's you that's doing it?!

M.G: -Glares intensifies- Okay… strike… do what you want….. but there will be hell to pay –Walks off-

SPA: Um… M.G where are you going!!!… MMMMMMM.GGGGGGGGG!!!!!

TRE: HAHAHAHAHA!!! I win! I beat the author, I beat the author!

M.G: -Walks through dungeon door- I think NOT Treguard!

TRE: -Cacks pants- EEEEP!!!

SPA: -Wistful- Ah so THAT'S where she went!

M.G: -A.G.O.D- So you think you can strike on MY watch do you! Well I don't believe you can –Advances on Treguard-

TRE: -Backs away- Double EEEP!

M.G: I think it's time you were taught some respect!! –Does clapping fist movement-

TRE: TRIPLE EEP!!!!! –Starts running round trying to escape-

M.G: Nuh-uh! You ain't getting away THAT easily!! –Snaps fingers. Treguard starts running in slow-mo-

TRE: -Very slow- NNNNNNNNOOOOOO DDDDDOOOONNN'TTTT LLLEEETTT HHEEERR GGGEEETTT MMEEEEE!!!!

PIC: Sorry you're on your own..

TRE: -Still very slow- TTTTTTTTRRRRAAAAIIITTTTTTOOOORRR!!!!!!

M.G: -Evil grin- Yay! Time to layeth the smack down!!!! (A/N: Don't own that saying either)

-Here the author thought it would be a good idea to insert one of her now patented 'Safety curtains of DOOM!' as to block the muchos grande violence from the innocent viewers!-

TRE: -Out cold on floor-

PIC: -Winces- Remind me NEVER to get you mad…. You're just plain scary!

M.G: Victory to me….. –Realises something- AH CRAP!!!! We have no host for this round…….

PIC: I could do it!

M.G: Awwww…. You're such a suck up pickle! I knew there was something I liked about you!

PIC: -Blushes- So can I…???

SPA: I say yes M.G….. After all you remember previous disasters when you've had to get 'Sub-Hosts' in…

M.G: -Rubs head thoughtfully- Yeah…. Man that was scary… Johnny was just plain weird…. Even S.J caught the weird bug!

(A/N: I am talking about my weakest link fic here. Johnny('s- eeyore) is a fellow author on this site and my other best mate. S.J is my sis…. I had to wrangle them in after Anne got hurt…. It was fun).

SPA: My point exactly…… So let the little pixie do it!

M.G: Fine! Pickle for this chapter it's all yours!

PIC: ALRIGHT!!!! I GET PRIME TIME!!!! –Whoops with Joy- THANK YOU!!!!

M.G: You can thank us later, by restraining Treguard when he wakes up whilst I make myself scarce!

PIC: -Nods- So your staying down here for this round!

M.G: Yeah….. I'm monitoring you… you know see how you do and save it for future reference.

PIC: -Shrugs- Shall I unfreeze this lot then!

AUTHORS: YUP!

PIC: -Finishes Rain Dance and unfreezes the dolts. A bolt of lightening strikes M.G and a storm breaks out in the dungeon-

M.G: -Frazzled- NOT FUNNY SPARROW!!!!!!

SPA: -Laughs- Sorry! I couldn't resist!

PIC: -Looks at rapidly rising water level- TURN IT OFF!!! TURN IT OFF!!! We're all gonna die!!

SPA: -Stops storm-

CLA: EWWWW!!! ICKY DAMPNESS!!!!

CHR: MY NEW BOOTS ARE RUINED!!!!!

M.G: Oh STOP complaining!

ALL: -Swivel round and look at M.G in shock-

GAR: That's not……

CLA: It can't be……

CHR: The author….

M.G: Well at least one of them…. I am the one and only M.G!!!

CLA: You look sort of familiar…. (0)

CHR: Yeah… you remind me of someone too…..

M.G: -Looks nervous- Um…. No you must be mistaken….. We've never met before in our lives Cough.

SPA: Yeah… fools…. I mean how would we know you….

CLA: I guess your right….

CHR: I'm sure I've seen you before!

M.G: -Glares-

PIC: People come on we have to get moving!

GAR: Where's Treguard?

M.G: -Blushes- Um… there –Points at prone figure-

ALL: WHA….!!!!!

GAR: What happened!

SPA: He threatened strike so M.G taught him a lesson and laid the smack down on him…..

ALL: -Look down right scared-

CLA: Remind me NEVER to get her mad! (1)

PIC: Lets move it or lose it!

-Back in the game world-

J.LO: HUH!! What just happened!!! NO WAY!!! I didn't get frozen just as I was going to give my answer did I?

CHR: YUP!!!

J.LO: Man that sucks!

CLA: Tell us about it!

PIC: Come on people… Hesper has other people to interrogate!

HES: DAMN straight I do… Um.. where's Treguard gone?

GAR: Madam over there knocked him out because he threatened strike –Jabs thumb at M.G-

M.G: Tell the whole world why don't you!!!!

HES: Poor guy….. and just WHO is she of great ass-whooping power!

M.G: The names M.G…. I'm sorta the author of this insanity! Along with my friend Sparrow…

HES: Oh… Right… Good grief Treguard's can be an idiot sometimes…. Even **I** know not to p of a fan-fic author!

J.LO: -Clears throat VERY loudly- Um… I am waiting to give my answer here!

HES: Oh right…. What is it then RUNT!

J.LO: -A.G.O.D- The answer you poor excuse for a stone monument is a human being! Four legs crawling when a baby. Two when an adult and three two legs plus a walking stick when an old person….

-Insert moment of tense silence!-

HES: You are….. Correct! –Looks annoyed- You may pass….

J.LO: YEAH!!! TAKE THAT BRICKY!!! –J.Lo skips through the gate-

HES: -Mutters- Bitch –Indiscreetly throws brick at J.Lo, which clonks her on the back of her head sending her sprawling forward-

ALL: -Laugh-

J.LO: -Fumes silently gets up and carries on walking-

M.G: My god… she didn't moan!

-J.Lo walks forward down some stairs and into a room-

PIC: Hmmm… don't remember this being here… tread carefully J.Lo!

J.LO: Where am I and where should I go!

GAR: Just walk forward the door is straight ahead!

-Lightening bolt and a figure appears. He is quite young and has short dark hair-

M.G: -Growls- YOU!!!!

MAN: Me…. Nice to see you again M.G!

M.G: Johno! Grrr you little brat… what do you think you're doing messing with my stuff!!!

JOHNO: Just having a little fun that's all, plus getting paid a hefty amount! Lord Fear has been waiting for this kind of opportunity for ages!

M.G: And so he hired you as his lacky… I'm disappointed!

PIC: OKAY! WHAT IS GOING HERE!!!!

M.G: One of _'The Blody Enemy'_ has just reared their ugly mug!

JOHNO: I'm hurt! –Pouts-

J.LO: WHAT is going on… I can't see anything!

JOHNO: HAH! Your little pop princess dungeoneer is caught like a rat in a trap….. heh! Neilus is gonna be so jealous…. Lord Fear offered an extra pay rise for which one of us took you down! I wsa just going to pull some sort of trap… but decided the person touch is so much better and fun!

M.G: She isn't going to be that easy to beat….

J.LO: -Looks shocked- YOU'RE SHOWING FAITH IN ME!!!!

M.G: Again I do not relish the decision… but I have no choice…. You're the only one there who can get close to him.

JOHNO: HAH! This should be easy…. J.Lo… I challenge you to a duel!

J.LO: A duel of WHAT exactly….???

JOHNO: A lightsaber duel of course… but since you don't have one… I guess I'm just gonna cream you! (2)

M.G: Oh NO YOU DON'T JOHNO!! J.Lo…. You're just gonna have to trust me –Goes into random trance-

J.LO: HEY! I can't control my body!

M.G: Yeah that's coz I'm controlling it!… Lightsaber please Sparrow!

SPA: Alrighty then!

M.G: -Lighsaber appears in hand, well J.Lo's hand- Thanks… JOHNO YOU'RE GOING DOWN BOY!!!!!

JOHNO: HA! I'm older than you…. So who are you calling boy child!

M.G: I ain't no child!! –Swipes, Johno blocks-

JOHNO: I don't see why your doing this…. We used to have such fun!

M.G: Yeah we did… but that was before you were seduced by the power of the dark side of fan-fic writing. I learned between what was hard and what was easy very early on. I choose hard, you choose easy!

SPA: Come on M.G! Kick lover boys ass!!

ALL: LOVER BOY?????

SPA: Ooops!!!

CHR: Is he your boyfriend?

M.G: No. He. IS. NOT!!! Nor will he ever be!!!

CHR: So do you have a boyfriend!? (3)

M.G: -Looks scared- WHY are you asking me this?

CHR: Dunno… just curious!

M.G: NO I DON'T! (4)

CHR: WHY?

M.G: Because I don't want one okay!

JOHNO: This monologue is getting boring! True I used to like you a bit that way… but now I don't…. It's much more fun to screw with your brain… -Random hand movement-

M.G/ J.LO: ARGH…..

J.LO: THAT BLOODY HURT YOU STUPID GIOT!!!!!

M.G: Tell me about it…. He's not going to get another shot though YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

-J.LO goes flying through the air dramatic ninja stylie and crashes blades with Johno. Big ass sword fight breaks out-

M.G: Take this you sodding loser!!!!

JOHNO: Is that all you've got… bring it on little girl..

M.G: GRRRRR that does it!!!! –Gets real mad and goes into bersrker mode- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

JOHNO: OH S!!! I'm gonna get creamed….. retreat!!!!!

M.G: -Smiles smugly- Oh I don't think so….. Pickle NOW!!!!

PIC: Righty O' –Drops magical cage over Johno-

JOHNO: NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! –Shakes bars- Let ME OUT NOW!!!

SPA: AS IF!!! You've caused enough chaos!!

M.G: Give me the quill.

JOHNO: What? I don't know what you're talking about..?

M.G: Don't lie you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!!!

JOHNO: I haven't got it! I gave it to Neilus… to look after!

M.G: DAM! I really didn't want to go hunting after that man!!

J.LO: WHY?

M.G: He's well sort of my mentor… he encouraged me to write again…. Especially this (A/N: This is true…. He's actually thrilled I put him in.. he-he I get to bash on him)

GAR: That's rough….

SPA: Come on guys…. Lets get moving…

M.G: Yeah.. Sparrow… could you magic the cage somewhere….

SPA: Where exactly do you want it….

M.G: -Evil grin- I'm sure you'll think of somewhere sufficiently nasty…..

SPA: OH YEAH FREE REIGN!!!! I know exactly where this is going….. Straight down to Authors Hell: Writers block division!

JOHNO: NOOOOOO!! You can't do this to me!!! Please M.G anywhere but there!!!

M.G: You brought this upon yourself –Does Caesar style thumbs down-

JOHNO: -Plummets down hole- NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo……….

-Bell dongs J.Lo freezes-

SPA: DUDE! We totally made no progress…

M.G: I know…. But at least we got rid of half of _'The Bloody Enemy'_

SPA: Yeah all that's left is Neilus…….

M.G: -Glum- Yeah I know….

PIC: Should I freeze this lot?

SPA: YUP!

PIC: -Pulls out Pixie wand (Not that one perverts!) and waves it. The twerp trio is frozen)

TRE: -Groans and starts to wake up- HUH! What hit me?

M.G: I did…. I hope you've learnt your lesson about messing with me….

TRE: I have…. I actually feel a lot better… I think I just needed a decent sleep….

PIC: That's very weird….

AUTHORS: UH-HUH!!!

M.G: Right! I'm going back upstairs… I'll see you guys later –Walks off with shoulders slumped-

TRE: Why do I have the feeling that something very bad is in store!

PIC: We're just gonna have to wait and see.

And so we leave the scene here… with a slightly depressed M.G realising she's going to have to go after one of her greatest influences, Treguard realising that you DON'T mess with an angsty author and Pickle realising that perhaps he should try and get his own show…. Tune in for more chaos and insanity on the next edition of Dayknightmare: A Parody of Sorts!

(0) Chris and Clare went to school/ College with me and I hated them … that explains why I look familiar to them.

(1) Clare learnt this the hard way. She REALLY PD me off once and I pulled her across a table by the shirt collar. People never looked at me as the 'quiet one' ever again after that –Evil smirk-

(2) The real Johno made a web video of him playing around with a lightsaber…. This is honouring that!

(3) This ACTUALLY HAPPENED! Weirdly one day the real Chris was sitting next me on a computer… whilst I was writing something (Luckily NOT this!) and asked If I had a boyfriend.

(4) This technically isn't true… I just wanted to put in that conversation… weird huh!


	8. The Quest Continues Again and Again and ...

Dayknightmare… A Parody Of Sorts.

Chapter 8: The quest continues Again….And again…. And again…. And again….And again!!

A/N: Yay new chapter! Gotta love this….. I'm actually aware that this is starting to get a plotline….. oh horror of horrors! But I suppose it isn't that bad… it at least has some form of structure now…. I'm in my English lesson writing this, so please understand the eloquence of my wording…… PSYCHE! As if I'm going to be eloquent. I'm supposed to be doing an essay but meh… got two weeks to do it, rather keep myself entertained before then! It'll only take me a day or two tops to write. Anywho…. Onwards!

We left our chaos bringing authors in a form of turmoil… M.G was feeling kinda down after capturing one of _'The Bloody Enemy'_ and sending him straight into Authors Hell! But with the capture of one led to the escape of another and the gang still have the greatest of the two rogue authors to face….. not to mention that they only managed to get all of three steps into Level two.

M.G: That last chapter really blowed!!

SPA: AMEN!!!

M.G: I mean I'm glad we got rid of one of them…. But I still feel kind down…. I should be celebrating… GAH!! I'm so confused!

SPA: -Pats M.G on the shoulder- I know, I know it's bad… but you can't dwell on it. It looks like you need a drink….

M.G: Oh NO! I can't….. I have a fic to write…..

SPA: And that's never stopped you before….

M.G: TRUE! But I wasn't expected to make an appearance in those ones…

SPA: Go on… one little drink… it'll help you loosen up.

M.G: NO!!!!! I can't…..

SPA: Go on…… -Gives puppy dog eyes-

M.G: NO! Don't you dare try the puppy dog eyes on me………………

SPA: Just one won't hurt –Puppy dog eyes intensity X 1,000,000-

M.G: Just one….

SPA: Just one… promise…. –Evil grin-

20 minutes later

M.G: I thought... –Hic- I told you to just give me one

SPA: -Giggles drunkenly- I did…. And then I gave you another 'one'

M.G: -Glares drunkenly- And then another one and another one and the a whole load of other 'one's'…… and then one for yourself.

SPA: True…..

M.G: Aren't I supposed to be doing something…..

SPA: Probably…. One of those ficcy things you do…. –Hic-

M.G: Ah… now I remember….. it's that da-day-dayknightmare thingy innit! –Laughs- I like that…. I can be stupid in that…

SPA: -Laughs- You're always stupid. After all you fell for my EVIL plot!!!

M.G: -Affronted- HEY NO FAIR!!!

SPA: -Cackles evilly-

TRE: What the hell was that?

M.G: The hell was what? –Sniggers-

TRE: That evil cackle thing… it was creepy…

SPA: -Hic- Oh that was me listen –Cackles evilly-

TRE: And why exactly where you doing that?

SPA: Coz I managed to rope M.G into my EVIL plot!!!

PIC: And what exactly would that be?

SPA: -Evil grin- Getting her drunk of course…..

TRE: And WHY exactly did you want to do that…….???

SPA: -Sobering up- Well one…. She's much more relaxed when she's had a bit to drink...

M.G: Tis true –Giggles-

SPA: And two… It's her birthday…. And I think she's allowed a little fun don'tcha think….

M.G: HEY YOU REMEMBERED!!!!!

SPA: Of course…. How could I forget….You've been going on about it for the last two weeks…

M.G: -Blushes- Oh yeah……

TRE: So now we not only have an insane author on our hands…. But a DRUNK insane author!

M.G: YUP –Laughs insanely-

PIC: We're SO in for it now aren't we!

TRE: I'm afraid my dear Pickle, that we most certainly are.

M.G: What are you guys in for…. Is it the egg and spoon race?

ALL: -Groan-

M.G: HEY don't you groan at me….. Let's get this –hic- thing moving…. Lose it or move it….

TRE: -Shakes head-

SPA: -Fully sober- You heard what she said… unfreeze that lot!

PIC: -Produces Pixie wand and waves it-

CHR: I HATE THAT!!!

M.G: So….. –Hic-

CHR: Did she just hiccough?

TRE: Um… do you want the very scary truth or a nice little lie….

CLA: I think the lie would be best…

TRE: Well then, no, no she didn't…. It was just a figment of your imagination… she is not roaring drunk; you're imagining it all…

GAR: SHE'S DRUNK!!!!

M.G: YEAH I AM!! Gonna make something of it? –Shakes fist drunkenly-

SPA: Er…. Not a good idea M.G…. he'd probably cream ya'… either that or you'd pass out before you could get down there….

M.G: Again NOT FAIR…….

SPA: But probably true….

M.G: -Shrugs- Yeah whatever……

TRE: EHEM!!! We have a quest to be getting on with…..

M.G: Oh yeah… -Sniggers- …. I forgot about that….

TRE: J.Lo are you okay….

J.LO: I'm fine…. Just a little woozy still…. That's the last time I ever let anyone take over my body….

M.G: -Laughing madly- Take over your body and you people call me insane…..

TRE: -Looks worried- Um…. That's true... You took over her body… so you could kick one of the rogue authors' backside….

M.G: -Quietens-…. Did I?.... I don't remember it….?

SPA: Ooops… I think I gave her too much….

CLA: You sure did…. Just what were you guys drinking?

SPA: You really don't want to know….

ALL: -Look worried-

CHR: Is she gonna be okay?

SPA: She'll be fine once it wears off…. Although when that is I haven't the foggiest.

TRE: Let's just move on in the mean time…

SPA: I think that's probably for the best….

M.G: I AM THE BOSS AROUNG HERE!!! I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO…. –Breaks into laughter again-

SPA: Ah man…. This is sooooo bad.

J.LO: Okay morons! Where am I going?

GAR: Just walk straight ahead…

-J.Lo does so and walks into a castle doorway. She ends up in a room with a table in. On the table there is some food, a scroll of parchment, a spyglass and a yo-yo-

J.LO: Where am I?

CLA: You're in a room and there is a table with some items on walk forward until we say stop.

-J.Lo walks forward and bangs into table-

J.LO: OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

ALL: -Snigger-

M.G: -Mockingly singsong- Ha-ha you banged your foot, you banged your foot!

J.LO: Shut up you drunk little creep!!

M.G: -Sarcastic- I'm hurt…..

SPA: -Nervous- Did I also mention that she gets more sarcastic as well….

TRE: Quit whining and check out the items on the table….

J.LO: FINE!!! Right food, spyglass, scroll, YO-YO! Not the bloody yo-yo again!

M.G: -Giggles-

CHR: Right…. Put the food in your knapsack…. –J.Lo does so- ….

J.LO: Now what….

CLA: I suppose we could read the scroll….

J.LO: -Opens scroll- It doesn't say anything… wait it does…. 'TELEPORT'

CHR: Think its a spell….?

GAR: I would…. Write it down anyway….

J.LO: Okay I'm gonna take a look at the spyglass…

-Goes to Lord Fear's throne room-

LORD F: So he has been captured….

NEILUS: Yes my Lord…. I'm afraid he has…. He underestimated the girls' power….

LORD F: I see…. And he paid for it dearly didn't he. I trust you will not underestimate her?

NEILUS: Not at all my Lord…. I have had more 'experience' with her. I know what makes her tick….

LORD F: -Laughs evilly- Then go forth and rid me of these pests….

NEILUS: Will do my Lord….

LORD F: Hmm…. I feel another presence….

NEILUS: My Lord?

LORD F: We are being monitored….

J.LO: EEEP!! -Throws glass away-

SPA: You know what…. I'm really glad M.G is drunk at the mo…. That conversation would have REALLY pd her off.

M.G: What would have peed me off? Just two random guys… -Hic-…. Nothing to do with me…. –Passes out-

SPA: Whoa boy…

TRE: What just happened?

SPA: Um…. She just passed out….

TRE: -Slaps forehead-

PIC: Why would have she got pd at that.

SPA: Do you people not remember anything that I tell you!!!

TRE: Um…. NO!

SPA: GAAAAAHHHH! Well if you DID you would remember me telling you about the guy Lord Fear was with…. It's M.G's mentor…. The one who helped her when she was just starting out. Her and Johno were both mentored by him…. That's why she's finding this so hard!

ALL: -Looks nervous and regretful- Ah… right.

SPA: So we have to finish this before we have to meet up with him…. I really don't want to think what'll happen otherwise….

TRE: Come on then people let's move it!

CHR: J.Lo take two large sidesteps to your left –She does so-, okay take another one –J.Lo does so- Perfect! Now walk forward….

J.LO: I better not trip over anything…. Or else your all gonna feel my wrath…. –Walks forward through doorway-

-Is in long passageway-

SPA: CRAP!!!! OH-NO!!! It's one of those bladed corridor things…. We are in the turd now….

J.LO: BLADED CORRIDORS!!!!!

TRE: Just stay still… don't move at all…. As soon as you do it will start….

SPA: Right guys… you're gonna have to be seriously quick here….

CLA: We can do it!

CHR: J.Lo all you gotta do is listen to us and as SOON as we yell the direction you have to move…. Think you can do that?

J.LO: -Gulps- Yes….

GAR: Okay let's go….

J.LO: -Walks forward, passageway starts moving-

GAR: LEFT!!!!! –J.Lo dodges left-

CHR: DUCK!!! –J.Lo ducks-

CLA: Stay where you are!!

CHR: RIGHT!!! –J.Lo dodges right-

GAR: LEFT!!!! –J.Lo dodges left-

CLA: RIGHT!!! –J.Lo dodges right-

CHR: STAY!!!

J.LO: I'M NOT AN ANIMAL!!!

CLA: DON'T ARGUE!!!! LEFT AND DUCK –J.Lo does random roll thing-

GAR: Hey nice move

J.LO: HELLOOOO!! Concentrate!!!

GAR: OKAY! RIGHT!!! –J.Lo moves right-

-Corridor comes to stop-

ALL: -Starts cheering- We did it, we did it!!!

J.LO: HELL YEAH!!!!

GAR: Now turn to your left and walk forwards….

J.LO: OKAY ALREADY!!! –Turns left and walks forward, stumbles over feet-

ALL: -Stiffle laughter-

J.LO: I CAN HEAR YOU STOP IT!!!!

ALL: -Snigger very quietly-

J.LO: That's better!!

-She walks through the door into a huge cavern-

J.LO: Where am I?

GAR: You're in a huge cavern and there is one door to your left and one to your right.

-Random person jumps out on J.Lo… it's the jester guy Motley-

MOT: Well hello there, you're a bit funny lookin ain't ya! –Bangs on helmet-

J.LO: -Growls-

MOT: Not exactly user friendly are ya?

PIC: -Groans- I hate this stupid bungling clown!

TRE: I know you do Pickle…. But until we figure out what he wants and how we can get rid of him we're stuck.

J.LO: -Miffed- What's your name you impudent little git…

SPA: Wooooo J.Lo used a big word…. She's all grown up –Wipes away imaginary tear-

J.LO: -Glares-

MOT: Now that's no way to speak to someone who can help you…. I was going to show you the right door…. But now I'm not going to bother!

SPA: J.LO!!! Act all humble NOW…. We need to know the right route!!

J.LO: HAH! I can find the right route on my own…. I don't need any help from this FASHION REJECT!!!

???: -Sarcastic- That cut deep –Holds hand over heart- real deep…. Well see you later then guys…

SPA: WAIT!!!!

MOT: Huh! What was that?

SPA: It was me…. Stop playing the fool, we gotta get serious!! Can you show us the correct route through Level two….?

MOT: I can show you some of it…. But what's in it for me?

SPA: The fact that I don't tell your boss Merlin that you've been stealing his Pipe weed! –Evil grin-

MOT: .. T-that's not possible…. Er I mean true…. That's not true…..

SPA: Come on Motley we really need a hand! PWEASE……. –Puppy dog eyes X infinity-

TRE: OUCH! Man they are effective!

MOT: Don't I know it…. There being aimed at me!! Alright, ALRIGHT!! I'll help…

SPA: Yay!!! Thank you SOOOOOO much!!!

MOT: Hey girly what's your name? You so gotta teach me how to do that…. I'd rule this place in no time

SPA: Yeah, yeah keep dreaming! The names Sparrow…. But you can call me almighty mistress of DOOM!!

ALL: -Give Sparrow 'The Look'-

SPA: WHAT!!! I've always wanted someone to call me that!

ALL: WEIRDO!!!

SPA: Yes we all know I'm a weirdo…. Can we please move it people!!

ALL: FINE!!!!

MOT: Okay the correct door is the right one…. Come on I'll take you –Grabs J.Lo by the hand and guides her through the door-

-They enter the next room which is a tunnel with a meirman patrolling the end-

MOT: AH NUTZ!! I wasn't expecting a guard to be here! Right stick close…. –Walks slowly up Meirman turns and walks other way-

J.LO: What are you doing?

MOT: Trying to sneak past this guy…. They're vicious!!

J.LO: They look like a cheap Hollywood B monster!

MOT: I wouldn't stay stuff like that…. You'll hurt her feelings!

J.LO: It's a girl…???

MOT: Yes can't you tell…. The scales are a slightly pinker colour than the males….

J.LO: No I couldn't tell and excuse me for not being a wiz at 'Dungeon creatures 101'

MOT: SHHHHH! She's coming back get ready to move….

-Meirman walks past-

MOT: -Whispered- NOW!!

J.LO: Gotcha –They move past the Meirman and down the passage to the left-

-They are now in a room with a well in the centre-

MOT: SHEET!!! Dam I thought I'd out run them…. Right you're gonna have to trust me here…. Jump down this well…. It will keep you safe!

J.LO: BUT IT'S ICKY!!!

MOT: And I'm sure you'd prefer your guts smeared over the walls as an alternative?

J.LO: I'll go down the well!

MOT: Right I'll hold them off while you jump in….

J.LO: Gracias! –Jumps in-

MOT: Good Lllllllllluuuuuuucccckkkk –Echo fading effect-

-J.Lo lands on the floor below with a gentle bump-

J.LO: -Looks shocked-

SPA: WHAT???

J.LO: You missed the chance to dump me on my arse……. UNREAL!!!

SPA: Don't look so surprised….

-Bell dongs and J.Lo freezes-

SPA: Well we made some progress…. But that's not saying much…. Wanna freeze the rest of them?

TRE: With pleasure…. –Does rap style groin grab dance and freezes the other three-

PIC: That dance was just wrong My Lord!

TRE: Indeed it was… but it was fun –Smirks-

SPA: All we gotta do now is wait for M.G to wake up and we can get the rest of this show on the road….

R.V: I think that's where you're wrong my dear Sparrow… the road stops here…. And you're little friend is never going to wake up!

SPA: WHAT THE!!!!! –Spins around-

NEILUS: Surprised to see me? Not very hospitable are you…. But I suppose it will do….

SPA: -Panicked whisper-…. Shit…. M.G wake up…. Come on…. Oh shit….

And we shall have to place a curtain of cliffhanger over this situation. The boys downstairs are powerless to help…. So that just leaves one very inexperienced Sparrow and one very unconscious M.G. What will happen? Are the two authors about to lose their realm… find out and see on the next chapter of Dayknightmare…..


	9. The Quest Continues Again and Again and ...

A/N: It's official…. I'm warped…. This chapter is not going to make ANY sense at all…. Even I'M confused and I'M writing it…. Again I'm in English…. Heh-heh I can't help it…. This lesson makes me want to write. Enjoy

A/N2: Um Nelius's description is that he's in his 40's and is very tall and thin with glasses and a flat cap (I don't know why he wears one either).

DIS: Um…. I don't own the battle concept?…. It's sort of a rip off of the Ant and Dec Poké battles they used to do on Sat mornings…. I swear they were Hilarious!

DayKnightmare: A Parody Of Sorts

Chapter 9: The quest continues Again….And again…. And again…. And again….And again…. And again!!!

When we left our intrepid adventurers we were in a right state. M.G drunk on birthday spirit and a fair amount of alcohol was unconscious on the floor, completely unaware of the precarious situation brewing on the right side of reality. Nelius her mentor, the second rogue author had breached the castle walls and was looking for a face off with the slightly less experienced Sparrow.

NEILUS: Ah Sparrow…. Been a while hasn't it?

SPA: PS OFF RIGHT NOW!! YOU TRAITOROUS SON OF A…..

NEILUS: Now that's no way to speak to your elders is it….?

SPA: HA! I spit on that comment, you're only an elder in age not wisdom….

NEILUS: Oooo getting all philosophical now are we…. I see the little madam over there has been teaching you the way of the fanfic author well, not well enough but well….

SPA: THAT'S NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!!! M.G is a better teacher than you'll ever be…. Because she is my friend!! She won't sell me out just because the price is right….

NEILUS: Harsh words from such a young lady…. You shouldn't speak like that you might mar that pretty little tongue…. –Grins sardonically-

SPA: -Laughs- Harsh words…. We haven't even started….

NEILUS: Now that's fighting talk…. But I wouldn't be so confident…. You have to be sharp to survive in this world and I'm about as sharp as they come.

SPA: You're all talk Neilus and I am going to make you PAY for what you put M.G through.

NEILUS: -Laughs- You're pitiful…. But fine whatever you want…. I'll pay if you do!

SPA: WHAT!!??

NEILUS: Let's make things a little more interesting…. If I win… not only do I get this fic…. But I also get M.G's Laptop of secrets….

SPA: What!!.... I can't…. that's her very life…. She'd kill me if I lost it!

NEILUS: -HORRIBLE spine shingling laugh- Ah but what you get in return may be worth the risk…. I'll give you what you want…. My quill of eloquent wording as well as well as full control over the fic. I won't bother you again…. Should you win?

SPA: -Thinking- I can't barter with the Laptop…. It has all M.G's stuff on it. She'd die if she knew Neilus had won it off me…. But we really need that quill…. And what did he means before when he said you're friend will never wake up?........

NEILUS: AH…. You're finally starting to get it…. you see you have no choice but to enter this little competition…. Because your 'Friend' is under my control…. There was a special ingredient in that drink you gave her…. One, which consumed in large quantities, will make her sleep forever unless cured by this antidote… -Holds up vial-

SPA: -Insert swearing rant that can not be repeated due to explicit nature-

NEILUS: -Ears hurt- Ouch that was some colourful language

SPA: I suppose coming from you that is a compliment….

NEILUS: Well let's end this now shall we…. If you're not too chicken….

SPA: Chicken is a tasty meat…. And I don't think I'm a tasty meat at all…. I'm actually quite tough!! Bring it on OLD MAN!!!

NEILUS: Ha your youthful inexperience will be your downfall!!!

TRE: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON UP THERE!!!!

SPA: WE'VE BEEN INVADED!!! JUST HOLD THINGS TOGETHER DOWN THERE… I GOT SOME ASS WHUPPIN TO DO!!!

TRE: We've been INVADED!!!???

SPA: Just don't pay any attention for a while…. It's gonna get real loud and messy!

NEILUS: You're scared I can see it…. Lets work on that fear…. Come forth Almighty Little Sister of Annoyance….

-Out of Nowhere 'Red' Sparrow's sister appears-

SPA: NOOOO!!!

RED: I thought I told you to do this…. And that and stop stealing my shoes…. (And so on and so forth)

SPA: -Wincing- Argh No… must fight…. I summon FANGIRL MANIA to counteract your Little Sister of Annoyance!!

-Out of nowhere Westlife appears-

SPA: God I'm really glad M.G's not awake…. She'd have my hide right about now….. (M.G A/N: I HATE Westlife)

RED: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMYYYYYYY GGGGGGGGOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!! –Faints-

SPA: Ha! Take that!

NEILUS: -Laughs- Ha indeed…. That was just a tester…. Now face…. Week Old Smelly Socks…

SPA: EWWWWW GROSSSSSS!!! Oh the smell –Goes Green-…. But this is no match for my Faffy Girly Toiletries!! Ha wipe out that stuffy stinky crap…..

NEILUS: DAMN! Clearly you have more things up your sleeve than I anticipated! Well no worries… I shall soon wear you down! You are no match for me Miss Sparrow!

SPA: Ugh… enough with the Miss already… I hate formalities!!

NEILUS: Well time to boogie and attack with The Dance Mat Of DOOM!!! (A/N: More random obsessions of ours)

SPA: ARGH!!! URGH… Can't stop dancing –Is dancing in Random fashions- Gotta fight against the groove…. YAA!!

NEILUS: Give up…. I've taken down much stronger opponents with this move…. You can't beat it!

SPA: I can and I WILL!! I gotta win this for M.G's sake!! I summon No More Credit GAME OVER!!!

NEILUS: WHAT!! How could you know that….?

SPA: Told you M.G taught me well…. You seriously underestimated me….

NEILUS: Maybe I did, maybe I didn't…. now I know what you're capable of it's time to pull out the big guns!!!

SPA: Ha you've got nothing left!

NEILUS: Haven't I..? Come on out then Niggling Doubts… tear her confidence down!

SPA: WHAT THE HELL IS NIGGLING DOUBTS?????

NEILUS: You'll see…. –Smiles mysteriously- I don't believe I have much else to do!

R.V1: Sparrow… you don't really think you can win this do you, he's too strong.

R.V2: And if you lose then what'll happen… M.G is never going to speak to you again if you lose her laptop….

SPA: NO NO NOOOOO!! THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!! SHE'S MY FRIEND SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT!!!

R.V1: Sure she wouldn't…. I'm sure you losing everything she's ever done would be just fine and dandy… she'll hate you….

R.V2: You know you're going to lose… why not just give in to the inevitable….

SPA: -Falls to knees- No…. you're ….wrong…. Because…. I'm….Not…. Gonna…. Lose…. But so…. Hard to…. Fight.

M.G: -As random little voice at the back of Sparrows mind- Come on Sparrow you can do it! It doesn't matter about the Laptop…. I would rather lose that than a friend… that's what we've always said remember….

SPA: -Nods- But how…. Can I…. Beat him???

M.G: -Still as random spirit voice- You can do it…. You know exactly what you've got that he doesn't…. and it's the only way to beat him….

SPA: What is it that I got??

M.G: -Groans and slaps forehead- Friendship dummy…. Now go kick his keester!

SPA: ALRIGHT NEILUS THE JIG IS UP…. YOU'RE ASS AND QUILL ARE MINE!!! I will take you out with TRUE FRIENDSHIP CONQUERS ALL!!!!

NEILUS: Impossible!!!! There is no such thing….

SPA: AH but there is…. It's a move M.G developed and so therefore you have no idea about it…. Say your Prayers you low-life piece of scum…. Because you're going down YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! –Unleashes true Friendship Conquers All-

NEILUS: NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! –Engulfed by light-

SPA: It's over…..

NEILUS: -Slumps to the floor- No I can't be beaten…. I just can't….

SPA: Hand over the quill Neilus…. I beat you fair and square!!

NEILUS: Fine…. Take it!

SPA: And the antidote….

NEILUS: Fine…. Take it all…. Just leave me be….

SPA: I don't think so…. –Snaps fingers-

-Neilus is trapped in a magical cage-

NEILUS: HHEEEYYY NO FAIR!!!!

SPA: VERY FAIR!!! So shut up moaning!!

-Throws antidote down M.G's throat-

M.G: -Stirs- Huh… what the hell just happened…. OWWWWW HANGOVER!!!!

SPA: She's alive YAY!!! –Dances around-

M.G: Enough with the dancing…. What happened?

SPA: Um…. Well Neilus broke in and drugged you….

M.G: WHAT!!!!!! Ow again with the hangover OOOWWWIIEE!!!!

SPA: Well he kinda challenged me and he wanted your laptop….

M.G: OMG!!! You didn't lose my Laptop did you!!..... Wait a minute you didn't…. I remember something…. I saw you…. I was helping you…. But I was out cold….. how??

SPA: I don't know either…. It's kinda weird…. But well I caned his ass and got the quill for you…. And then locked him in the cage over there.

M.G: You beat him…. Alright!! Way to go Sparrow!!!... –Wipes tear- I'm so proud!! –Glares at Neilus- You and me got some catching up to do Neilus….

NEILUS: -Gulps-

TRE: Is it safe to come out yet?

M.G: Yeah it is…. Sparrow kicked his ass in righteous style!

SPA: -Blushes-

TRE: Thank god for that…. I though we were in serious trouble there….

M.G: Nothing to fear with us on the case….

SPA: AHEM!

M.G: -Laughs- Okay you on the case…. You did good mate!

SPA: -Looks proud- OH YEAH!!! –Does Homer style whoop dance-

ALL: -Laugh-

TRE: Someone is happy….

SPA: You bet I am!!

NEILUS: LET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!

M.G: Oh…. Almost forgot about you –Glares- Sparrow…. Do I have permission to wreck unholy vengeance on him?

SPA: Go ahead…. Do what you want with him!!

M.G: First of all –Snaps fingers, Neilus is dressed in a spangly showgirlesqe frock-

NEILUS: Oh the inhumanity!!!

SPA: You really have a thing for drag don't you…?

M.G: I can't help it…. It really amuses me….

SPA: You're unbelievable….

M.G: YUP!!! And now for phase two…

SPA: Authors hell?

M.G: -Nods- Authors Hell!! Plot Bunnies division….

NEILUS: NOOOO NOT THE PLOT BUNNIES!!!!!

M.G: Too late now…. Buh bye now!!! –Cage disappears down hole-

NEILUS: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo –Echo thing again-

SPA: Oh yeah, we won! –Does random happy dance again-

M.G: Yup we did! Hey Treguard…. Unfreeze the crazy bunch will ya…. We gotta get moving!

TRE: YES MAM! –Finishes his Rap style Groin Dance-

SPA: Again SOOOOO wrong!!!

-The Crazy bunch unfreeze-

GAR: You will never know how much I hate that!

CLA: Amen!

TRE/ PIC/ AUTHORS: -Grin mischievously-

CHR: What did we miss….

M.G: Oh nothing really…. Just Sparrow kicking ultimate butt…

CONTESANTS: WHAT?????

SPA: Neilus turned up here while you guys were frozen! I had to sort him out good style –Grins-

CONTESTANTS: WHA…????

GAR: You mean _'The Bloody Enemy'_ Is no more?

M.G: Correct….

J.LO: But what about the quill? You did get it didn't you? –Shudders- I don't wanna be a guy again!

SPA: Don't get your oversized panties in a twist…. Of course we got it! Here CATCH!

-The quill flies trough to J.Lo-

J.LO: ALRIGHT!!!

TRE: Better call Merlin!!

J.LO: OI MERLIN GET YOUR SCRAWNY BEARDED ASS HERE NOW!!!

M.G: Ohhhh Boy, he ain't gonna like that!!!

-Merlin appears-

MER: WHY YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE WENCHY PERSON! I AM NOT SCRAWNY!!! I'M JUST UNDER NOURISHED!

ALL: -Look very confused-

J.LO: Under nourished I'd say that about fits the bill!

MER: When you're finished making fun of my physical state can you please explain WHY THE HELL!! You called me out at this hour???

SPA: Merlin it's 11:30 in the morning! It's not that late or that early for that matter!

MER: WHAT… IT IS!!! Dammit I'm gonna miss my Yoga class!

ALL: YOGA!!!???

MER: Of course… How else do you think I've stayed so supple for the last few centuries….

GAR: I have a feeling I'd rather not think about any other possibilities.

ALL: -Nod-

MER: Enough…. What have you impudent and downright annoying people called me here for??

J.LO: Um…. Well we have the quill!!!

MER: -Looks very shocked- YOU DO!!! I mean…. Ah hell you do..???

J.LO: -Mutters- Senile old coot!

MER: What was that….

J.LO: I said I want some beer with root!

ALL: -Groan-

MER: Oh…. I'm sure we can supply some for you later. Gotta scoot…. Tootles!!

-Disappears in a puff of smoke-

M.G: Is it me or is he getting weirder by the minute?

SPA: He is… he truly is!

TRE: Guys and gals I hate to sound like a nag but we really need to move onwards!

M.G: Okay, okay!

GAR: RIGHT!!! Lets move it!

J.LO: Okay where am I going….

CLA: Take two steps to the right and walk forward….

-J.Lo does so and walks into next room. A huge cavern and to one side there is a tower and on it is a woman-

R.W: HALT!!

J.LO: Oh WHAT NOW!!!! –Looks miffed-

R.W: How dare you use that tone of voice! Bow down to me as I am all powerful on this level.

M.G: I suggest you bow…. That's Lynnette! Ruler of level two. (Yes I'm aware this is off, but I couldn't remember her name SOWWY)

TRE: I heartily concur with her J.Lo…. she's not a very nice person, not very nice at all.

J.LO: But I bow to NO ONE!!

LYN: You will bow to me unless of course you WANT to be killed…

SPA: Just do as she says J.Lo…. We can't interfere with her…. She can cane you good style.

J.LO: I ain't liking it, but I'll do it... –Bows-

LYN: That's better…. Now identify yourself traveller…. And I will decide whether or not to grant you safe passage!

J.LO: My name is J.Lo…. And you'd better remember it.

LYN: I am Lynette, Mistress of level two. All that you see around you is mine.

J.LO: -Mutters- And you guys say I have an ego.

LYN: Enough chit chat…. I will grant you safe passage if you can gift me with something.

J.LO: Guys what should I do…. I can't believe I actually said that.

GAR: Give her the Yo-yo…. It's all you have….

LYN: I'm waiting….

J.LO: All I can offer you is this Yo-yo….

LYN: You try to buy me off with a child's toy…. Pathetic, truly pathetic!

J.LO: Hey it isn't my fault they give crappy items….

AUTHORS: HEY!!!!

LYN: -Looks startled- Who was that???

M.G: It was us idiot…. We're the writers of this insanity….

LYN: Writers…? Ah yes I've heard all about you. You are the talk of the town so to speak at the moment…. Your defeat of Neilus and Johno was quite a remarkable feat…. They were very powerful…. I was hoping I might meet with those who vanquished them.

AUTHORS: -Look confused- Um…. Why?

LYN: Because I have a proposition for you that's why….

M.G: Go on?

LYN: Well how about I remove all obstacles on level two, bar the ones Lord Fear has placed…. And there are very few….

SPA: What do you want in return?

LYN: Hmmm…. There are many things I crave…. You could not possibly give me what I need.

M.G: -Growls- Quit playing!! What do you want??

LYN: I want a date with Treguard!

ALL: -Anime style shock pose- WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

LYN: I have adored you from a far for years…. Please…. Please say you'll go out with me, just this once.

TRE: Errrrr??

M.G: Treguard I'm not one to make threats….

ALL: -Give her 'The Look'-

M.G: Oh shut up up!

ALL: But we didn't say anything!

M.G: -Annoyed- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!! Anywho…. You had better say yes…. It would make things so much easier…. Come on it's only one date….

TRE: Errr…. Well she's not exactly my type….

SPA: I wasn't aware you had a type –Raises Eyebrows-

TRE: I usually prefer less of the 'One wrong move and you die' attitude…. Just one?

SPA: Just one….

TRE: Okay then!

AUTHORS: YAY!!!! Lynette you have yourself a deal!!

LYN: Wonderful…. The J.Lo….. I therefore grant you safe passage through this room….

J.LO: -Whoops- YAY! –Walks forward-

LYN: Wait…. I think I forgot to….

-J.Lo suddenly plummets through a hole in the floor-

J.LO: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!! Huh I've stopped? But how?

-Notices that Yo-yo is wrapped around a rock, suspending her in mid-air-

J.LO: Okay that's just weird.

M.G: Amen to that…. But it saved your hide. Can't call it useless now can you?

J.LO: Okay fair enough…. Oh yeah and THANKS FOR THE WARNING!!!!

LYN: Sorry!! –Blushes-

J.LO: Can someone please get me up please!

TRE: Any idea's?

CLA: How about that spell we found….

CHR: Sounds good to me….

ALL: _Spellcasting T-R-A-N-S-P-O-R-T, TRANSPORT!!_

-J.Lo is magically transported to the other side-

J.LO: Nice going morons! –Walks through door-

-Bell gongs J.Lo is frozen just as she goes through the door-

TRE: Phew…. Glad that's over….

M.G: Amen! Treguard if you will?

TRE: Of course –Does breakdance head spin and almost knocks Pickle out. The trio freeze-

PIC: My Lord you almost crowned me then.

TRE: -Shrugs-

M.G: Yeah that was cool Treguard! Do it again.

TRE: can't until you want the spell reversing!

AUTHORS: DANG!!!

TRE: -Sigh- Now we just gotta wait….

AUTHORS: -Evil little chuckle- Oh no you don't Treguard….

TRE: WHA!!??

SPA: We're getting you ready for your date….

M.G: Yup!!

AUTHORS: -Cackle evilly-

TRE: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

And so we leave the scene there, with Treguard being put through the torture of date preparation. Things are certainly looking up. At long last the bloody enemy have been defeated and packed off to Authors hell…. They shouldn't be coming back anytime soon…. At least we don't think so…. Prepare for more insanity in the next instalment of DayKnightmare: A Parody Of Sorts!!!


	10. SubChapter: The Date

DayKnightmare: A Parody Of Sorts

Subchapter: The Date!

A/N: It is truly amazing how one little fluky idea seems to run away with you. This was started as a way to pass the time…. Not intending to become a full fic. But well look at it now, ten chapters strong…. I can hardly believe it myself. This was too golden an idea to pass up and not use. The idea of Treguard going on a date is riotously funny to me and I just couldn't resist. Well enjoy.

A/N2: There are probably going to be a few more subchapter things added…. I know there are a few more little ideas creeping about my head. Technically this is part of Dayknightmare…. But it's going to be the stuff that happens in between episodes…. So there may be a few inserted in between earlier chapters. For example the night out between chapters one and two. LOL that's gonna be fun. This thing just seems to keep growing!

Dedication: To Neilus, Johno, Sparrow, S.J, Johnny and Mikus…. You guys make life worth living!

We left off with our two Authors preparing Treguard for his 'Date' with Lynette. What chaos would be wrought from this pairing? Who knows…? But it could be quite fun though!

TRE: Is all this absolutely necessary?

SPA: YES! You have to look nice for your date!

TRE: But I don't wanna look nice –Pulls at shirt collar- I just want to look like me!

M.G: But Treyie- Baby you look fabulous….

SPA: M.G you might wanna stop that…. You're reminding me far too much of those people off that 'What not to wear' show…. (A/N: Don't own it! Its BBC's…. Stupid disclaimers)

M.G: NO WAY! I'll stop, those people are abnormal….

TRE: -Gives 'The Look'-

SPA: Sorry mate but he's got you there!

M.G: STOP PICKING ON ME!

SPA: -Laughs-

TRE: Much as this conversation is amusing, I'M STILL NOT HAPPY!

SPA: And why would that be?

TRE: Because this outfit is RIDICULOUS! Honestly ME in a DINNER SUIT! It's preposterous!

M.G: Oh stop complaining…. You look positively dashing….

SPA: M.G….

M.G: GAH! Not again…. Why oh why have they possessed me!

TRE: She is officially looped!

SPA: At least you ain't best friends with her…. It's sometimes a very scary experience.

TRE: I could well imagine….

Pickle walks in-

PIC: My Lord…. What the hell is that monstrosity you are wearing?

TRE: -Black look-

PIC: Um…. I mean where did you get that wonderful outfit….

TRE: -Darker Look-

PIC: … Please don't hurt me….

M.G: Treguard that is quite enough of that! Stop scaring Pickle…. You're not exactly impressing us with your manly charms.

SPA: Yeah…. Sulking is SOOOOO not attractive.

TRE: I have every right to sulk…. You got me into this mess…. I didn't want to date her…. It was all you're doing!

M.G: Yeah and so was the rest of this…. but all that turned out fine.

TRE: I wouldn't exactly say it 'turned out fine' I'd say it was one step away from chaos, but certainly not fine.

SPA: Fine- shmine…. Enough chat we've got to get you ready!

TRE: I am ready…. There is not much more you can do to me.

M.G: Oh contraire, we may have got you ready appearance wise, but otherwise you're screwed! So we're here to help.

SPA: Now you're sounding like that lot off 'Would Like to Meet'…. (A/N: Again BBC)

M.G: -Dark voice- Will you stop comparing me to those shows…..

SPA: Yeah but it's true…. We're using their ideas to help Treguard….

TRE: -Looks scared- You're relying on something the BBC concocted to help me…. Man are we up crap creek without a paddle.

M.G: You said it not me, therefore you are the target of the BBC's wrath. Not me.

TRE: HA! I fear them not, as I am on a different network to them and so they cannot harm me without serious repercussions.

M.G: I know that's why I made you say it, I would have been liable!

SPA: Smooth girly, real smooth.

M.G: Why thank you Sparrow.

SPA: You are welcome M.G.

TRE: So what 'Idea of the BBC' are you using on me? It better not be something stupid!

SPA: -Sarcastic- Such an insult.

M.G: You know we never use anything stupid; it's against the rules…

SPA: What rules..?

M.G: 'The Fan Fiction Authors unwritten code of honour'

SPA: Oh…. Right…. Are you sure you red that right?

M.G: Err…. No…. I just wanted to make us look intelligent.

SPA: Failed?

M.G: Miserably….

TRE: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU USING ON ME!

M.G: Well we are going to monitor you and using this earpiece –Holds up earpiece- We are going to give you advice….

TRE: Just admit you want the footage for the net….

M.G: NO! WE would not exploit you like that…. We are not that cruel….

PIC: -Mutters with evil grin- Speak for yourself! –Discreetly hides video camera down tunic- Heh-heh!

M.G: PICKLE! Get rid of that video camera RIGHT NOW young pixie!

PIC: Awwww! –Chucks video camera in the bin-

SPA: So are we ready to go or what…. Otherwise we are going to be sooooo late.

M.G: Oh my god! Okay peeps time for my fast travel alternative! Hold on to your hats!

TRE: We're not wearing any hats!

M.G: Oh whatever! Three, two, one! Here we GOOOOOOO!

Insert random flashy thingy-

M.G: Okay you can open your eyes…. And stop shaking Treguard…. You are not going to die…

TRE: Try telling me that after the date. Lynette is scary…. She's gonna fry me!

SPA: Oh stop being over dramatic! She said she like you…. Therefore unless you really hack her off you're safe!

TRE: That is so reassuring.

M.G: Enough nattering! Lets get in there!

ALL (Bar Treguard): ALRIGHT!

The merry band troop inside, with Treguard being dragged in-

TRE: I want out!

M.G: NO YOU DON'T! Unless of course you want a repeat of the last time you defied me! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

PIC: You know I really am worried for her sanity…..

SPA: Me too…. Ah well who cares, as long as she keeps me entertained.

PIC: Yeah I suppose so!

M.G: Right here is the ear piece…. There is a buzzer under the table when you want some 'privacy'.

TRE: -Looks ill- The only privacy I'm hoping for is in the mens restroom….

M.G: Ohhh kinky are we!

TRE: -Looks even more ill- I refuse to even comment on that…. You have a sick and twisted mind! And before you say it I am NOT THAT WAY INCLINED! Bloody perverted girl!

M.G: Meh…. Come on guys…. Lets go into the back room….

PIC/SPA: Alrighty! –Troop off-

TRE: Why do I have a feeling of almighty doom!

M.G: -In earpiece- Ah stop complaining and get to your table!

TRE: Ack! –Goes to table-

After about twenty minutes Lynette FINALLY shows up-

M.G: Let the chaos begin!

SPA: Amen to that!

In restaurant-

(A/N: All " " bits are through the ear piece)

LYN: Treguard how lovely to see you…

"M.G: Treguard get up and greet her you great OAF!"

TRE: -Gets up reluctantly- Hello Lynette…. Lovely to see you to. –Takes hand and kisses it-

LYN: -Blushes- A pleasure to see you too…..

They sit-

TRE: -Goes to say something and then shuts up-

Silence crickets' chirp-

"M.G: SAY SOMETHING!"

TRE: OW!

LYN: What was that Treguard?

TRE: Er…. Nothing…. Nothing. –Rubs ear indiscreetly- Um…. You look very nice this evening….

LYN: -Blushes- Thank you…. You look very…. Nice yourself.

"M.G: Good work…. Keep it up. I'm gonna send the waiter over."

M.G drags some poor random guy over-

M.G: What's your name son?

R.G: Don't 'Son' me I'm the same age as you! Idiot! And you know who I am….

M.G: OMG! Mikus (0)… Dude sorry I so didn't recognize you! It's been a while…

MIK: Tell me about it! Hey Sparrow WHASSUP!

SPA: WHASSUP!

M.G: Okay, okay enough already! Mikus we need your help! We need you to be a waiter for table 12.

MIK: Why?

SPA: Because we're setting up the lovebirds sitting there… and we need someone we know/ have under our power to serve them.

MIK: Under your power?…

M.G: Obviously you're under the 'someone we know' comment..

SPA: -Laughs- Yeah but it should be the under M.G's power, cause of… –M.G covers Sparrows mouth with her hand- MPhhhMMppphhmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMM!

M.G: Unless you want to die painfully! SHUT UP NOW!

SPA: -Nods frantically-

MIK: -Blushes-

M.G: Anywho… put this on and go serve them…

MIK: Okay, okay –Wanders off-

A few minutes later Mikus wanders out dressed as waiter-

MIK: Hello I will be your waiter for this evening… here are your menu's…

TRE: Um….

"M.G: Word of advice… don't pick anything smelly"

TRE: What would you like Lynette?

LYN: Um… I think I'll just have the chicken soup to start out with…

TRE: I'll have the same please….

MIK: Right and for your main course..

LYN: I think I'll have the pasta alfredo…

TRE: Um I'll have the calamari and salad please…

M.G: -Slaps forehead-

MIK: Of course.. and finally what would you require for desert?

TRE/LYN: Chocolate fudge cake please….. –Look at one another and blush-

MIK: -Clears throat- And what would you like to drink…?

TRE: -Mutters- Something strong….

LYN: What was that Treguard?

TRE: I said you decide…

LYN: Oh how kind…. A bottle of your finest red please….

TRE: -Pulls face-

"M.G: BE A GENTLEMAN!"

TRE: -Winces-

LYN: What's wrong?

TRE: Just a bit of an earache that's all.

LYN: Oh right… You may go now waiter….

MIK: -Walks off-

Back with the Authors-

SPA: M.G you can't honestly tell me that you're not planning to sabotage this thing?

M.G: -Looks innocent-

SPA: You are aren't you

M.G: -Whistles-

SPA: What are you planning?

M.G: Come here –Whispers into Sparrow's ear-….

SPA: Surely that's illegal or something….

M.G: Hmm I think your right…. Plan B then…

SPA: Plan B?

M.G: Spike the food….

SPA: Heh-heh I like Plan B!

M.G: I thought you would…. Let's hop to it then…. Yoo-hoo Mikus!

MIK: -Grumpy- Yeah!

M.G: What's up?

MIK: This uniform is itchy and smelly! It's horrible!

M.G: Sorry it was the only one we could find that wasn't being worn, it was that or a waitress outfit…

MIK: -Looks appalled-

SPA: Saying that…. He could have pulled of a waitress, his hair is long enough... –Evil Smirk- (1)

M.G: -Smirks also-

MIK: -AGOD X Infinity- Oh no…. Don't even THINK about it!

(Short for: Almighty Glare of Death)

M.G: WHAT! I wasn't thinking about putting you in drag…. Not at all…. Brownies honour!(2)

MIK: You weren't in Brownies!

M.G: I was… I was an Imp! (3) –Grins-

SPA: -Looks scared- Now I know where she gets it from…..

M.G: Anywho enough squabbling…. When you take them out their wine slip a few drops of it into the bottle…. And I mean a few… nothing more….

MIK: I'm scared to ask what the hell this is…. And why only a few drops are enough…?

M.G: Then don't… Just put it in okay…

MIK: -Nods and walks off-

SPA: So what is it?

M.G: Oh…. Just an extra strength aphrodisiac… no biggy…. –Smirk-

SPA: You're warped and you know it….

M.G: True….

Back in the restaurant-

MIK: -Walks over with bottle- Okay just a few drops M.G said…. Ooops –Drops whole vial into bottle- Ah well not my problem….. –Reaches Treguard and Lynette- Here you are Sir, Madame…. Our finest red wine. –Scurries away-

TRE: Thank God…. Want a drink….

LYN: Yes thank you.

Treguard pours Lynette a drink-

LYN: -Downs drink in one- So Treguard tell me about yourself…. You must have had quite some adventures…

TRE: Nothing really to brag about, trying to keep Lord Fear at bay is a full time job….

LYN: -Slightly blurry eyed- I know he's a royal pain in the ass…. Can't just keep to his own levels…. Noooooooo!

TRE: -Looks slightly scared-

LYN: Ooops sorry Treyie- baby! –Giggles got a little carried away there –Lusty look-

TRE: -Goes white as sheet- Um… I wonder where the starters are…?

LYN: -Crawls into Treguard's lap-

TRE: Eeep!

Backstage-

M.G: -Blushing immensely-

SPA: What?

M.G: You should here what she's saying to him…. –Blushes- Something is not right; the aphrodisiac shouldn't have taken affect quite so quickly….

Mikus strolls in-

M.G: Mikus…. Just HOW much of that potion thingy that I gave you did you put in the bottle?

MIK: -Gulps- A few drops….

M.G: -AGOD- Now try telling the truth….

MIK: -Really little voice- Um… all of it…. I t was an accident…. The bottle slipped….

M.G: -Looks horrified- Mikus you BLOODY IDIOT! I told you to be careful…. This is soooooo bad….

SPA: Why?

M.G: Because we have a seriously randy sorceress, who isn't used to the word 'No'. Treguard is so never going to forgive me for this….

SPA: Oh right, well you may as well sit back and enjoy the fun before the shit hits the fan….

M.G: I suppose your right….

SPA: Cause I'm right…. I'm always right…. Now buck up and wait for the chaos to begin.

Back Outside-

LYN: -Is whispering stuff in Treguard's ear-

TRE: -Looking more and more traumatised by the minute-

MIK: -Walks out- Your starters will be out shortly….

LYN: -Still lusty- Hmmm how about we skip dinner and just go back to mine….

TRE: -Gulps-

LYN: I'm sure I could 'whip' something 'up' for you….

TRE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (4) –Jumps up knocking Lynette to the floor- Okay that's it I've had enough! M.G, Sparrow! You've got some explaining to do….

AUTHORS: Silence

LYN: -Staggers up, totally enraged- HOW DARE YOU! **HOW** **DARE YOU! **No one pushes me to the floor and lives to tell the tale –Conjures fire-ball in hand- Take THIS YOU CHAUVINIST PIG! –Lobs it-

TRE: Eeeep! –Ducks just in time-

LYN: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! –Getting madder-

TRE: HELP ME!

AUTHORS: Silence

TRE: THIS WAS YOUR BLOODY IDEA…. YOU GET ME OUT OF IT! –Dodges another fireball-

M.G: Should we help?

SPA: Well it is sort of your fault….

M.G: -AGOD-

SPA: Okay, okay OUR fault….. Lets intervene before you have to find a replacement host permanently.. .. ..

M.G: You raise a very good point… on the count of three….

AUTHORS: THREE!

All of a sudden the whole room freezes except for Treguard-

TRE: ABOUT FRIKKIN TIME!

SPA: Sorry…. We were having too much fun watching the chaos!

TRE: -Glares- I think I'm scarred for life….

SPA: Well that's the normal reaction to working with M.G –M.G slaps Sparrow around the head- OWWW!

M.G: Don't moan you deserved that one!

SPA: -Scowls-

TRE: WTF JUST HAPPENED!

SPA: I really don't know…. Maybe she was just really 'up' for it….

TRE: -PURE white- Please stop making innuendo's… I think I'm gonna faint

M.G: Then faint already…. It means I don't have to explain anything….

TRE: -Faints-

M.G: OMG! I wasn't expecting him to do it….

SPA: We he's just been molested by a randy sorceress, and almost fried to a crisp…. I think he's allowed too.

M.G: Yeah I suppose…. And like I said…. It does mean I don't owe him an explaination…

SPA: Let's get him back to the castle

M.G: Fine with me….

And so the date came to the as expected chaotic climax…. (SPA: M.G Will you PLEASE stop using the innuendo's! M.G: Sorry!) Lynette was frozen in time…. Not to be released until the gang had gotten past Level Two…. And poor Treguard…. Well poor Treguard was guaranteed a nice long rest under the best mental health supervision…. What's next? Who Knows? But stay tuned for the next Chapter of DayKnightmare to find out!

(0) Mikus My B.Friend…. I've been dying to put him in something for ages! Hopefully the 'Under M.G's power' comment will make perfect sense now, if it didn't before

(1) Scarily true…. His hair is pretty long (Just past his shoulders) . It was one of those 'rebellion against authority/ parents things' I like it….

(2) Yes this is a running theme…. I find drag very funny and exploit it at every given moment! Mikus' reaction to it is also VERY accurate, He's genuinely scared about me sometimes LOL!

(3) Again true… kind of appropriate eh?

(4) This HAS to be done in the style of Pedro from Excel Saga to get the full effect!


	11. An Interlude

Dayknightmare: A Parody of sorts.

A Brief interlude.

M.G: Hey there peeps. M.G here, just thought I'd have a brief interlude between this chapter. Mainly to grovel and apologise for my inherent laziness. Which I will get right down once Sparrow arrives, because she has to do the same. –Looks at watch in annoyance-

-Tyres screech outside-

M.G: Ah…. That will be her now…

-Sparrow runs in dressed in her work uniform-

SPA: Yo M.G! what have I missed!

M.G: Not much really…. Just me being a lazy bum and doing jack crap on the fic.

SPA: At least I got an excuse!

M.G: You an excuse! That's rich….

SPA: It's true! Unlike you miss lazy arse I have been a very busy individual!

M.G: Doing what?

SPA: Working!

M.G: So what, so have I!

SPA: No. Your excuse for working is trying to read Harry Potter and the Half blood prince in less than 9 hours.

M.G: -Blushes- That's not true! It was actually less than 8 hours…. Oh shit!

SPA: HA got you!

M.G: What can I say I'm obsessed…. And it was a bloody good book!

SPA: Still no excuse! However I have been much more productive with my time passing my drivers test! –Waves car keys smugly-

M.G: What…. You passed!

SPA: YUP! –Grins-

M.G: You…. Little Miss Road Rage…. Passed!

SPA: Yup!

M.G: GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOVVVYYYYYYY!

SPA: I know isn't it! So why did you call me here?

M.G: Um… to have you grovel and apologise for not helping me get this done.

SPA: Screw that…. Wanna go for a drive?

M.G: Hell yeah….

SPA: Cool see you outside –Leaves-

M.G: Um…. Sorry peeps looks like it's gonna be a little longer! –Horn beeps- Okay I'm coming! Well I promise it will be finished soon…. –Gulps- I hope. Byeeee!

And so the two authors drove into the sunset, searching for that land of riches and rocks…. Rhyl!

A/N: LoL just a little celebration really and again SOWWY! However congrats to Sparrow for passing her test FIRST TIME W00t!


	12. The Quest Continues Again…And again…

A/N: YAAAAYYY! HOLIDAYS! Which means…. ME FINALLY DOING SOME FANFICTION WORK! W00t! this has been FAR too long in the making. Sad as it is this is actually my largest fic –Looks down right scared- Man that is sooooo creepy.

Dedication: This chappie is dedicated to all my lovely people on the net who haven't yet discovered I'm insane –Insert maniacal laughter-

Chapter 10:

The Quest Continues Again….And again…. And again…. And again….And again…. And again…. And again!

Dun dun dunnnnn finally after a rather LONG break we have returned, admittedly with more than one problem. Treguard is still unconscious due to his rather scary date with Lynette, and well the whole place is just in total chaos. Which I suppose when you think about it is no different than usual –Giggle-. Anywho let's get on with the show….

M.G: I just can't believe how badly that went…..

SPA: What do you mean_ badly_! That was downright awesome!

M.G: I almost killed Treguard!

SPA: Almost being the operative word there.

M.G: Not funny. You know how difficult it is to find hosts!

SPA: True… but you still have to admit it was fun…

M.G: -Sigh- Strictly off the record… It was a hoot. But in my professional standing it was a complete disaster and I don't condone it one bit.

SPA: -Snorts- Professional…. Yeah right.

M.G: Bite me!

SPA: No thanks…. I'd be scared you'd bite back.

M.G: Enough of this…. I got too many problems to sort out.

SPA: Like how you're gonna punish Mikus for screwing up.

M.G: I'll sort that out later; right now my main concern is waking Treguard up.

SPA: Are you sure that's a good idea…. Maybe it would be kinder just to let him sleep.

M.G: KINDER! What about being kinder to me! –Hyperventilates-

SPA: Okay M.G deep breaths, deeeeep breaths.

M.G: -Takes deep breaths-

SPA: Good girl, good girl, that's it.

M.G: Thanks….

SPA: No problem…. However I do think in order to prevent you doing that again I think we should wake Treguard up.

M.G: Heh…. Knew you see things my way.

SPA: I always do…. Just one question though….

M.G: Yup.

SPA: Well two actually…. First, who is going to wake him up…. And second, how are you going to wake him up.

M.G: Hmmm…. You know I hadn't thought about that…. Let's see who should be our victim.

SPA: Pickle...?

M.G: -Nods- Pickle….

SPA: Method?

M.G: Water over the head?

SPA: Too messy…

M.G: Gong?

SPA: Too loud…

M.G: Poke him?

SPA: Too easy…

M.G: Well you think of something then!

SPA: Fine I will!... Ah ha! Screw Pickle I'll do this myself….

PIC: -Somewhere in background- Awwwww!

-Sparrow goes over to Treguard and whispers in his ear-

TRE: -Jumps awake- YAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! –Starts running around room-

M.G: -Looks impressed-

SPA: That'll do nicely.

M.G: So what did you tell him?

SPA: Um….

M.G: Sparrow… what did you tell him!

SPA: I told him that Lynette was in the room…

M.G: Oh is that all…. I thought you told him his pants were on fire or something.

SPA: Hmm didn't think of that one.

M.G: Think I'd better calm him down…. –Snaps fingers-

TRE: -Bucket of water dumped on head- Waaahh?

M.G: Welcome back to reality.

TRE: What happened? The last thing I remember is being in that restaurant and…. YOU BLOODY IDIOTS YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!

SPA: Not technically true…. YOU almost killed you by being a bloody stiff toward Lynette!

TRE: That is downright unfair. You set me up on that stupid date so it's all YOUR FAULT!

M.G: Who cares whose fault it is…

SPA/TRE: WE DO!

TRE: Here's a thought…. Since M.G doesn't appear to care that much about whose fault it is, I say we blame her!

SPA: -Shrugs- Works for me!

M.G: WHAAA…. Hey now wait a minute…

TRE: I thought you didn't care?

M.G: -Grumbles under breath-

SPA: So were settled then…. It's M.G's fault.

M.G: Bloody mutinists!

TRE: Aw… I never knew you cared…

M.G: -Vein popping-

SPA: Um…. Treguard now is not the best time to antagonise her.

TRE: -Huffs- Fine…. Why do you guys always ruin my fun.

SPA: Usually because it's funny…. But right now because I fear for your life. That and like M.G I can't be bothered finding a new host.

TRE: -Sarcastic- Thank you very much, your concern is warming to my heart.

SPA: What concern?

TRE: Never mind….

M.G: OKAY! When you two have finished fraternizing can we please get on with this thing.

SPA: Sure…. Why not I've got nothing better to do.

M.G: -Glare-

SPA: Um…. Yeah let's get on with this.

M.G: Much better. Treguard if you please?

-Treguard starts to break dance again sending Pickle flying with an awesome boot to the stomach-

M.G: Hey not bad, how far do you reckon he went?

SPA: About ten metres…. Maybe eleven.

PIC: -Winces in pain-

TRE: Hmm…. I believe I could have gotten him further.

PIC: -Mumbles something which can not be repeated-

AUTHORS: -Glare-

TRE: Ladies we can sort this little annoyance out later but right now we have to see to our contestants.

CLA: Oh so NOW you remember us…. We've been stuck there frozen while you lot have been out gallivanting, having loads of fun.

SPA: Um…. And your point is?

CLA: It's not fair. You just stick us here and mess with are brains.

M.G: Again your point is?

CLA: Screw you guys, I wanna go home. I want out!

CHR: Yeah me too!

GAR: Me three!

M.G: -Sigh- Not again….

SPA: Agreed…. Hey Treguard do you want to handle this?

M.G: Whaaa?

SPA: M.G trust me!

M.G: I always do…. Treguard proceed!

TRE: Really?

SPA: Really!

TRE: Brilliant! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

-Treguard goes all glowy and freaky looking (ala Galadriel LOTR style)-

TRE: You impudent children you will do as your told –Fires lightning bolts from fingers-

TRIO: Eeeep! –Wets pants-

M.G: GGGRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOVVVVVYYYYY! Can you teach me to do that?

TRE: -Back to normal- Sorry, can't do it. It is an official Dungeon master, elf thing only.

M.G: Awwwwwwww –Sulks-

J.LO: Um…. Hello has anyone remembered about me?

SPA: Huh…. Where'd that….

J.LO: Har bloody har. Can we please hurry up as this cave is friggin cold.

M.G: Yeah, yeah, whatever.

TRE: Okay guys lets move it along.

GAR: Fine then. J.Lo, carry on walking forward.

-J.Lo walks forward and through the door and comes out in what appears to be a wine cellar-

J.LO: Okay…. Where the hell am I?

CHR: You appear to be in some sort of cellar with lots of barrels and bottles.

J.LO: And that helps a lot, thank you for that _wonderful _observation.

CHR: Screw you! I was only doing what you asked me to!

J.LO: Sure you were, I mean everyone should just do as I say all the time.

TRE: Um…. What is up with her?

AUTHORS: -Shrug-

M.G: Hmmm I really have no idea, but in order to make me look like I do I'm going to come up with a random theory.

ALL: Works for me.

M.G: -Gets out her Sherlock Holmes pipe and blows some bubbles- I theorize that due to the extended time in suspended animation, J.Lo's ego has taken over her brain due to the inherent inactivity.

PIC: And in English that means.

M.G: She's got a bigger head than ever.

ALL: Great, just great.

J.LO: Huh did someone mention my name?

CLA: No…. Just keep moving.

J.LO: -Sniffs- No one tells me what to do, but in this case as I can't actually see I'll take your advice.

-Walks about three steps and trips over something-

J.LO: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

CLA: What the hell was that?

-On the floor the thing that J.Lo tripped over shuffles about and starts to snore-

J.LO: -Looks outraged- HOW DARE YOU TRIP ME UP! –Kicks in random directions and eventually connects-

RANDOM PERSON ON THE FLOOR: OOOOOOOOoooooowwwwwwwwwww that hurt, who in the Lords name is kicking a holy man!

SPA: That would be her –Points-

J.LO: I don't care who I'm kicking. You tripped me up!

RPOTF: You infidel! How dare you strike a man of the cloth.

J.LO: Cloth smoth. You need to move outta my way.

RPOTF: I will not move. Unless you pass my test.

J.LO: Not another one!

SPA: Just deal with it!

J.LO: -Sticks out tongue-

RPOTF: So do you accept my challenge?

J.LO: Ah what the hell!

RPOTF: Okay! Mwahahahaha. If you lose you lose for real!

ALL: WHAT!

RPOTF: Yes I am an agent of Lord Fear, and you have accepted my challenge!

M.G: Oh Poopies!

J.LO: I refuse to lose! What is your challenge!

RPOTF: Simple, Give me my name!

ALL: Whaaa?

RPOTF: Are you all retards or something? Simple enough question. What is my name?

J.LO: Your…. Name? Is that all I've gotta do? Guess your name!

RPOTF: For the final time YES!

J.LO: Oh... Well that should be easy.

RPOTF: -Looks outraged- WHAT!

J.LO: And you called me a retard. I said 'That shouldn't be too hard.'

RPOTF: -Laughs maniacally- You are as dumb as you look!

J.LO: -Sighs pathetically- Perhaps your right...

ALL: -Gawp-

J.LO: I mean how would a poor, innocent little child like me, be able to answer such a difficult question without an ickle clue. –Pouts-

M.G: Oh...My... God. –Shakes head-

SPA: I can't believe she is doing that!

TRE: Doing what...?

AUTHORS: -Look at Treguard as though he is stupid-

TRE: WHAT!

SPA: Well in case you didn't notice she is using her womanly charms to try and woo this fat friar into giving her a clue, nay his name even.

M.G: You got all that from one sentence?

SPA: Yup!

M.G: Dang! I gotta start paying you more!

SPA: You don't pay me as it is!

M.G: Oh yeah... Anywho lets continue!

SPA: But...

M.G: CONTINUE!

J.LO: -Big pouty eyes (which you can't see) and lip- Come on... You can't even give me a little clue?

RPOTF: -Flushing- I... er ... uh... I suppose I could give you a little clue. Think literature.

J.LO: -Looks confused- Lit...era...ture?

TRE: Books dummy!

J.LO: Oh right... Um books. As in characters or authors? –Flutters eyelashes even though they can not be seen-

RPOTF: -Melts into proverbial goo- Um... Characters... SHIT I shouldn't have said that!

M.G: I don't know whether to be impressed or nauseated?

SPA: Nauseated, definitely!

M.G: Agreed -Looks green- Anyone got a sick bag on hand?

SPA: Need one here too!

-Sick bags randomly appear out of nowhere-

J.LO: Hm... let's think literary monks and friars! Well... The only one I can think of is Friar Tuck from Robin Hood.

RPOTF: NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo! You GUESSED! How could you have guessed!

J.LO: It was sodding easy once you gave the game away! You fell for my womanly charms! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

ALL: -Look VERY scared-

TUCK: That was a damn fine evil laugh! Ever considered turning to the dark side?

M.G: -Groans- I hate that bloody line. It's a cheesy Star Wars one-liner and used far too much.

SPA: But you LIKE Star Wars!

M.G: Be quiet you!

J.LO: No I can't honestly say I've given it much thought! Is the pay good?

TUCK: It's the pits, but you do get great job satisfaction! Torturing people is fun.

M.G: Stating now before the men in white coats try and get me Torture VVVVVV BAD.

J.LO: But I get to do that anyway! I think I'll stick to being a superstar singer! The pay is way better!

AUTHORS: -Snort- Yeah right!

J.LO: -Glares-

TUCK: Such a pity! Anyway now that you have defeated me I have a gift for you. It is the spell_ water_.

CLA: -Cracks whip- Write it down now! –Pens scribble furiously-

TUCK: Also you have a choice of items. These are a bottle of wine or an empty crystal vial trimmed with gold.

M.G: Relatively simple and normal this time!

SPA: You always have to include alcohol don't you!

M.G: No…. And who says she'll pick the wine. –Pulls tongue-

J.LO: I'll take the wine!

ALL: -Slap foreheads-

SPA: You were saying?

M.G: And again I quote. Be quiet you!

TUCK: Right my job is done! Farewell dungeoneer! –Walks off screen-

J.LO: Okay so where do I go?

GAR: Walk straight forward.

-J.Lo walks forward through the door-

J.LO: Where am I?

GAR: You're in a room. It looks like a throne room! There is a door either side of the throne and in front of you is some food.

CLA: First things first. Pick up the food.

-J.Lo picks up the food, which is some mouldy fruit-

J.LO: Why does everything on this show have to be mouldy!

M.G: Um, because it has been waiting around for you to get there?

J.LO: Your fanfic authors can't you make so it lasts longer!

SPA: Um, no. We can fix some things. But that is going against the laws of nature!

J.LO: You know you talk utter crap sometimes.

SPA: We know and to be perfectly honest we don't actually care.

M.G: Mmmhmmm –Nods in agreement-

J.LO: Bloody Bitches!

ALL: Amen to that!

AUTHORS: -Sulk-

J.LO: Pathetic. Okay losers where am I going?

CLA: Hey bum for brains less of the loser talk!

GAR/ CHR: YEAH!

J.LO: Yeah okay, where am I going?

GAR: Take two side steps to your right and walk forward.

-J.Lo takes two side steps and walks forward…. Straight into a wall-

J.LO:

M.G: Ow my ears!

TRIO: -Laugh hysterically-

SPA: Guys not funny….. Ah who am I kidding! –Laughs-

J.LO: You guys are all a load of evil –Bell gongs and J.Lo freezes-

M.G: Okay guys and gals time for you to go sleepies!

TRIO: Noooooooooo!

M.G: Treguard if you please!

TRE: Yes mam!

-Treguard does a good old fashioned square dance and they freeze-

M.G: Groovy. That was good timing on behalf of the bell I thought I would have had to bleep another line.

SPA: Yeah, we seem to be doing it far too much!

M.G: Ah who cares…. It's all fun.

SPA: True! Right are we off?

M.G: Yup we're done! Lets go!

TRE: Huh? Where are you going!

M.G: It's Sparrow's Birthday and we're off out!

SPA: Yeah so seeya!

TRE: What about me?

PIC: Well you've got me M'Lord.

TRE: Like that's any consolation!

And so we leave this scene once again not getting very far –Sigh- Hopefully that will be resolved next time because Dun-dun-dunnnnn Sparrow is writing the next chapter whether she likes it or not! And is being given free reign to do whatever the hell she wants! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Be prepared for chaos and much, much more in the next chapter of Dayknightmare!


	13. Jesus let’s face it it’s gona go on 4eva

A/N: Well here it is! DayKnightmare –and it is going to be one hell of a nightmare- written, produced and other random crap incorporated by Sparrow! –God help us!-

As if you don't already know I am the quietest person you will ever know –although I am depicted as a dubious, over-excited individual with violence on the mind- I would like to point out this is going to be shtiest things you will ever read, as I don't do fan fiction. I read it and find it entertaining and enjoyable but when it comes to writing it, well MG got the brains there. So I apologise in advance!

Dedication: This is for MG, I hate the biatch I can't believe she's made me do this, but I also love her for the same reason. Love Ya Mate!

Chapter 11:

The Quest Continues Again…and again…and again…and again…and Jesus let's face it it's gonna go on forever!

When we last saw our poor, unwashed and degraded celebrities and the other two nobodies, they were, ah well who cares what they were doing, the author's were going out to get royally pissed for my birthday WOOHOO!

Sparrow and MG appear looking a little be worse for wear,

TRE: Take it you over did a little bit last night?

M.G: We have such a laugh, drinking sht mixes, talking a loada sht

SPA: Oh my God, my head, I can't believe you made me drink soooooo much last night! I never want to drink another alcoholic drink as long as I live and that's a promise!

M.G: Oh yeah I forgot that I had to physically pry your mouth open and pour that bottle of After Shock down your neck!

SPA: Don't shout you know I'm only ickle

M.G: My arse your "ickle" you've just turned 19, now grow up and start acting you're age

TRE: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH –sarcastically- Somebody's in a mood this morning

M.G gives Treguard AMGOD (Almighty murderous glare of doom)

-Sparrow does puppy dog eyes and pouts towards MG-

M.G: Don't you bother yourself Sparrow it's not gonna work this time!

-Sparrow tries it again only this time rubs her eyes so it looks like she's crying-

M.G: Oh alright I'm sorry I can't be angry at you look at that face

SPA: -looking at smugly at Treguard- See guilt trip gets her every time!

M.G: I heard that you cheeky drunk

SPA: -slurs- I'm not a drunk! And even if I were I have an excuse, I was celebrating no NER –sticks out tongue-

-without slurring as much- What's wrong hun? Is everything alright you seem a little pissed off?

M.G: I'm not peed off I just haven't had my morning caffeine dose

SPA: QUICK! Get that girl a Coke before she hits something… like me and… I'm rather scared

-out of nowhere M.G is hooked up to a drip having caffeine directly pumped into her

M.G: Ah nothing like direct action –becomes almost instantly relaxed- Now that I'm high on caffeine do you think we should get on with the show

SPA: UMPFH Do we have to?

M.G: ERM…yeah, it's why were here you know the torture of people we don't like

SPA: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH I like torture c'mon then let's get on with it then I rest my weary head

M.G: I thought that might change your mind. Treguard if you wouldn't mind unfreezing that lot, as much as I would love to see Sparrow wallowing in self pity we do have a game to play

TRE: -does crazy Jacko style moonwalk/ break dancing thing-

J.LO: Do you know how much this is gonna cost me when I get outta here in therapy for the damage freezing does for my fabulous body

ALL: -stick fingers down throat imitating being sick-

CHR: And me! All this freezing is making my hair go crispy by drying out all the gel!

SPA: Christ anyone would think it was a woman talking…well…actually…

M.G: Don't worry we were all thinking the same thing.

TRE/PIC: -sniggering-

J.LO: Erm…hello has everyone forgotten about me?

SPA: My god we've tried but your arse is just a constant reminder

M.G: O…Kay that came out wrong…right? I mean there have been a few kinda judgements bout your "preferences" by other people but I hope that wasn't some sort of way for you to come "out"?

SPA: God NO! You know me better that that, you no me 100 straight

TRE: As much as I want to here about your lesbian fantasies we do have a "game to play" as M.G put it

M.G: You dirty old man, that's really not something we wanted to know OH NO I CAN'T GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD GIRL ON GIRL ACTION WITH TREGUARD IN THE MIDDLE

Sparrow cracks M.G around the head and helps her to regain some sort of normality.

M.G: Thanx SOOOOOOOO much you will never know how bad that was.

-Meanwhile back at the ranch- (sorry it had to be used)

PIC: When you have finished, dungeoneers, continue

-J.LO walks through a long dark passage way and the everything changes -

J.LO: Some help would be nice where am I?

GAR: Sorry no idea

J.LO: Well thanks a lot you bunch of losers

CHR: Us a bunch of losers where not the one's who are hugely famous being subjected to humiliation by wearing a most unflattering helmet

J.LO: Well at least I am hugely famous when you grow up you'll just be huge and I mean in the fat sense

CLA: Who the hell are you calling fat you big arsed buffoon

J.LO: I'm not a buffoon

CHR: So you admit that you're big arsed

J.LO: It's not big, it's just insured for over $1m

GAR: Personally I think it was a waste of money

J.LO: Why you little

TRE: What the hell is going on between that lot? Is that you're doing?

SPA/M.G: Moi?

SPA: I can barely keep myself from throwing up never mind do anything else why what's happening?

TRE: The contenders (sorry Gladiators inspiration) have turned on each other

SPA/M.G: W.T.F!

M.G: That wasn't us believe me if we had that kinda power don't you think we would of used it already? There is only one person I know that has the power to do that

ALL: Lord Fear.

SPA: Oh no, I couldn't be anyone else are you sure? I can't fight him, and you can't go up against him yourself

M.G: Who says I can't eh? You forget young Sparrow I am much more experienced that you, and you are also forgetting that I am the writer of this fic and therefore could if I wanted determine the outcome

SPA: Yeah I suppose your right, but you are forgetting that I am the writer of this chapter and therefore I can determine the outcome

M.G: -under breath- Smug bitch

SPA: Look we can't afford to fall out between our selves, we've gotta come up with a way of defeating Lord Fear

M.G: How we don't know enough to use anything against him

TRE: You have a good point but what I don't understand is how he has got all of them to fight against each other, I know they're not best mates but still, this is just ridiculous.

SPA: Maybe and this is just a guess, he's got something to do with us freezing them

TRE: Have you completely lost the plot, Lord Fear can't do anything like that

PIC: I don't know, ya know, M.G said before that we didn't know much about him, maybe she's right, all we know is that he is the ONE you don't mess with

M.G: OHHHHH look at Pickle, pretending to know stuff, it's quite cute

PIC: I'm not cute, leave me alone

SPA: STOP IT! My head hurts and you're not helping, why don't we just see if we can regain control of this lot, by using what power we have

TRE: Sound a bit simple to me,

-Sparrow gives Treguard AGOD-

TRE: But simple is good I don't have a problem with simple

M.G: Right OK I'll give anything a try, J.Lo can you her me?

J.LO: Oh God it's you don't you ever go away

M.G: Unless you want to be turned back into a man you are going to listen to me

J.LO: Fine if I have to, I don't want to but I would rather listen to you than be turned into a man

M.G: You have to apologise to the others

J.LO: Are kidding me? They'll have to apologise to me first

SPA: Gareth, Clare and Chris are you listening me

G/C/C: It's the other author the one that hardly ever talks to us

SPA: Yeah whatever, I need you to apologise to J.LO for what you said to her

G/C/C: Yeah OK, we will apologise after she says sorry to us

SPA: We are getting nowhere slowly

PIC: So we are getting somewhere

M.G: What are you on about you rectum faced pygmy (A/N: stolen from Red Dwarf not mine unfortunately)

PIC: Sparrow said she's getting nowhere slowly, well if she's getting there slowly she's getting somewhere isn't she

M.G: Treguard can't you get rid of him for a bit

TRE: I wish but he comes with me

SPA: Well if you go he will –sniggers-

TRE: Nice try but I wanna see you two try to handle this

PIC: Err people I think you better take a look at this

ALL: What the hell?

-in background- All contenders (soz I love Gladiators) have made up and are getting along like nothing happened

PIC: Ok would someone like to tell me what just happened

AUTH: We would love to know ourselves

SPA: Everything seems back to normal let's just see, Hey J.LO your arse is huge

J.LO: why thank you I am very proud of it

SPA: I suppose that wasn't a good example she would have said that anyway

M.G: That means we can continue with the game thankfully

GAR: J.LO continue walking forwards you should come to an opening

-Silence-

CHR: J.LO are you there, answer us are you there

M.G: Oi ya deaf biatch are you listening to us are you there

TRE: Erm… I think we may have a problem she's kinda…Erm… well… she's…

SPA: Oh for the love of God what?

TRE: -whispers- she's disappeared

M.G: I'm sorry what? She's disappeared

TRE: -whimpers- yes

SPA: I think it would be best to freeze the rest before any more go a-wandering

-Treguard does so and the authors leave not knowing what to do-

When we return will be answering many a question like; what happened to J.LO? Where did she go? will they get her back? And does anyone really care?

This has been Sparrow signing off and probably after writing this will never write anything again because as you will already know I'm crap. By reading this you will realise it makes no sense, and take it from me don't write anything when you haven't slept for three days straight.

So join us again for the next instalment of DayKnighmare: A Parody of Sorts, where out regular writer will be back thank God!

Extra M.G A/N: Sorry just had to put this in at the end. I am stating for the record that I had NOTHING at all to do with this chapter except this note. I'm so proud of my ickle Sparrow -Huge hug- She's got so much potential. Heh-heh! I'm so gonna make her do another chapter at some point!


End file.
